Small Decision - Eternal Consequence

A pastor was quoted in the Religion section of the local paper.

[My mentor] taught me to be careful of even the small decisions because they could have great consequences in the future. You could have a bad day, but you need to be careful.


Great quote, right? Sound advice, don't you think? Except that this particular pastor has a long history of NOT following this thoughtful admonition. His inability to engage in loving confrontation is legendary. All over this city you can find wounded soldiers bleeding and suffering from his verbal stabbings and harsh condemnation.

Our own children walked away from the Lord after this particular pastor made a choice about me, which was based on completely false information. A small decision made on what was surely a bad day has had eternal consequences for my family.

Sadly, my story isn't unique. My friend's husband left her and she decided to take some time for herself. She'd always loved musical theatre, so she auditioned for a show with the local troupe. The pastor found out, but he didn't approve of the theatre. He kicked her out of the choir and she was encouraged to leave the church. She was left to go through a painful divorce without the love and support of her long-time church family. It took years for her wounds to heal, and today the scars remain.

He once fired a man who'd faithfully served on the church staff for 21 years. He gave no notice and no reason, except that "the time had come" (whatever that means).

A young piano player who was a new believer was excited to be a part of the church worship team. She really loved her new Christian family. One night a musician friend asked her to cover for him at a secular gig. This pastor found out and kicked her off the worship team - leaving the new believer confused, sad, and broken. It was 15 years before she stepped foot in another church.

A woman reported to the pastor that there was evidence that a person on the creative arts team was jealous of her. She manipulated and twisted the facts in order shine a false but incriminating light on the so-called envious one. If the pastor were a good leader, he would have told the informant to go to the other person directly and deal with whatever was going on. That's what Jesus teaches us to do, right? But, not being a fan of confrontation himself, he just fired the other person with no explanation. How do I know? I'm the other person.

Another heart broken, a family displaced, and teen-age kids at a crossroad make a decision to turn as far from God as possible. Who wants to serve a God whose church is so terrible and mean?

If you're a parent, you know how your heart breaks when the kids fight and mistreat one another. Imagine how God feels when his kids hurt each other with such force that the action has eternal consequences. Oh gosh, how sad.

Listen, the pastor's inability to take his own counsel (or that of a teacher) does not lessen the validity of the advice. Indeed, even a small decision can have great consequences in the future.

Get off the pew and (as Dr. Laura would say), go do the right thing.

Charlie Rangel, What?

Congressman Charlie Rangel is appealing to pastors to ask their congregations, "What would Jesus do?"

Mr. Rangel is suggesting that preachers encourage their congregations to call Republican representatives and implore them to raise taxes so more money can go to help the indigent and needy. This, Mr. Rangel believes, is what Jesus would do.

It's funny that Charlie puts himself out there as an authority of sorts on things Jesus would do. First of all, Rangel has been in big trouble for tax evasion and I'm pretty sure that Jesus denounces that sort of thing. The apostle Paul reiterated this in his letter to the Romans when he said, "If you owe taxes, pay taxes." (Romans 13:7)

James 1:27 instructs us to "look after orphans and widows in their distress". In other words, it is the church - the body of believers - who should be helping, serving, and meeting the needs of the less fortunate, NOT THE GOVERNMENT. So, no Mr. Rangel, I will not be calling my Republican representatives and asking for a tax increase.

Now, I must say here that I do believe the church has dropped the ball in this area. Or, have the needy stopped going to church? It's a complicated issue for sure.

I've seen a lot of financial abuse and ball dropping from the body of Christ. I know a family who has ten children and has been receiving subsidies from the church for many years. Dad works and mom home-schools the kids and they're not particularly needy, they've just had more kids than they can afford. I have trouble understanding how that fact has become the church's burden.

On the other hand, I've seen families whose children were lost to drug addiction. They begged the church for financial help to pay the exorbitant cost of rehabilitation. The church's response? "We don't pay for drug problems." Um.....?

Matthew 6:2-4 tells us to go about giving to the needy and doing so silently and without fanfare. Come on church, get off the pew, help the helpless, love the unlovable, reach out to the lost, and do the right thing. If we all pitch in, there will be no need for the Charlie Rangels of the world to guilt us into handing more of our money over to the government.

You're Son is Reading What?

My friend Lorie is a Christian singer/songwriter and has been since she was a child. She's now a grown woman with children of her own.

She was recently booked to sing at a church and she brought her kids with her. Her son sat quietly in the front pew while she did her sound check and prepared for the concert.

Now, I happen to have several friends who are singers and musicians, and many of them travel with their young children. Some of the kids are performers-in-training and they immerse themselves in the minutia - from the set-up, to running the sound board, to joining mom or dad on the stage, to tearing down and packing up equipment.

All Lorie's son wanted to do was read. And so, he buried himself in the latest "Harry Potter" novel. Big mistake, huge - at least in the eyes of the church finger-waggers.

Lorie was told she'd never be welcome back to perform for that particular congregation because she had an obvious character flaw - she let her son read "Harry Potter".

Oh, for heaven's sake. No really...for heaven's sake, let this kind of judgmental criticism go. Lorie's passion is to use her talent to tell God's story. When you squash her, you squash an opportunity for someone else to hear God's voice.

Get off the pew!

Not "Suited" for Church

A well known, revered, and respected pastor died last week. My heart aches for his family and for their loss.

Several people wrote letters of condolence that were then posted in the local paper. One of the writers said, "I never knew him personally, but every time I saw him on television he was wearing a suit. That's how I know he's a man of God - because he wore a suit in church. God's house deserves our respect."

"The Church" is the body of Christ - not a building. Our bodies are called "the temple of God", which indicates to me that I am God's house. A building is just brick, mortar, and glass.

While it's true that this man always wore a suit, I know that was not the criteria by which he'd want his life, teaching, and passion for Christ to be judged. Pastor was from a different time and tradition and even he acknowledged that traditions are fluid and ever changing, but Jesus's message of love, grace, and intimate relationship has never wavered.

Jesus didn't have a pulpit, a building, or a suit. I believe he made those intentional choices so we could walk free from the confines of tradition and rules, and uprightly in an intimate relationship with The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Jesus never dressed like a traditional rabbi.

When I die I sincerely hope no one mentions my style sense, or lack thereof. Get off the pew of tradition and legalism. Jesus desires for you to walk in freedom. 

Facebook Platitudes - Just Say No!

Okay,


So, I was having a bit a rough day over the weekend. I know the small stuff shouldn't bother me, but there are days when I've had enough. Saturday was one such day.


Honestly, if you're going to go to the trouble of hating me, I'd just as soon it be for something I actually did to you personally. I don't even mind those of you who violently disagree with my opinions and beliefs. But if you use gossip to form an opinion about a person, and then you use that "information" to destroy that person's reputation - well that behavior is quite honestly at the bottom of the dung heap.


The weekend brought new, unexpected drama to my life, and I wasn't happy. I posted my frustration for all the world to see on Facebook - never a smart thing. 


Well, I got more than a few responses. My cousin believes she's a prophet. Every few months she sends me a note detailing a new and ugly thing the Lord has "shown" her while "in the spirit". At first I tried arguing with her, but that didn't work. She said, "when you decide to see the truth, my dear cousin, I'm here." 


Then I tried ignoring my cousin's prophetic ramblings, but they got louder. She took my silence as proof that satan has control over me.


Sadly, I don't respond well to her prophecies and platitudes. I'm easily frustrated by her.


It's easy to see why non-believers see us as crack-pots and arrogant know-it-all's. We assume we know more than they do. We sometimes gloss over their concerns with religious gobbly-gook when a spiritual answer is not even needed.


I've included a snippet of my Facebook post, and a few of the responses, including those from my cousin. She seems to be making wild assumptions. Among them is her apparent belief that she has the answer to finding joy, but I don't. She also throws in the small fact that someone wants to kill her? What?


We've got to love people. Telling them that the way they're feeling is "not true" is probably not the best approach. Get off the pew, people! Love. Respond. Act.


Me (on Facebook):

Not gonna lie...some days are harder than others. Life has taught me that liars win, cheaters come out on top, thieves never have to pay restitution, a reputation stolen can NEVER be replaced, and there are NO defenders for the strong! Please don't respond with spiritual platitudes. Respond with action! #takingresponsibility

Saturday at 3:30pm · Privacy: 

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• Friend, Friend and Friend like this.
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    Friend:  It sucks when cheaters win.
    

    Saturday at 3:34pm
    
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    Friend:  I've told myself before, when I've had moments like this, "I know where I'll end up after death and at least I have a clean conscience when I meet my maker." I hope that isn't a spiritual platitude for you. It's what got me thru the tough time after my divorce when I wanted to sink down to my ex'es level. He seemed to win all the battles with his dirty play.
    

    Saturday at 3:45pm · 
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    Cousin: 
    
    

    This in NOT true! I am a perfect example ... certain people have lied about me but truth prevailed! People who have cheated in my circle have been spanked by Father God! There are people stealing from me right now but I dont care b/c the Lord will deal with them! Family members have tried to ruin my reputation but character and integrity won ... it didnt happen over night but every step towards Jesus has been worth it! There is someone in my life right now who wants to kill me but I refuse to carry a gun b/c God is my Defender and He does protect the strong! When I first became a Christian many said it wouldnt last and they called me a "Holy Roller" but now they call me for prayer ... so God is good ... ALL THE TIME! I know this isnt what you wanted to hear but maybe its what you needed to hear, because I love you and sometimes we just need to be reminded of the TRUTH b/c it sets you free!

    
    

    Saturday at 3:53pm ·
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    Me:   I'm expressing what LIFE has taught me. Not God, not the Bible, not Jesus - LIFE. TODAY is a hard day. TODAY is a HARD day. It IS true that there are no defenders for the strong (in my opinion).  I never said I was denying God's truth - I'm talking about LIFE!!!
    

    Saturday at 4:06pm ·
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    Cousin:  I wish you would let me show you how to find JOY on hard days!
    

    Saturday at 4:10pm · 
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    Me:   I never said I didn't have joy. I just said today is a hard day. That's all I said. TODAY is a hard day. That's all.
    

    Saturday at 4:35pm ·
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    Friend:  I love how honest you are about everything you're feeling because I have those rough days sometimes and it's good to see someone so refreshingly honest about things.
    

    Saturday at 4:38pm ·
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    Me:   THANK YOU!!
    

    Saturday at 4:39pm ·
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    Friend:   You're welcome. :)
    

    Saturday at 4:41pm ·
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    Cousin:  Ok, just trying to help!
    

    Saturday at 4:48pm 
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Character Revealed

A friend posted the following quote as his Facebook status today:  "It is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get him or her to disagree with us; it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed." Sydney J. Harris

Sydney J. Harris (14 September 1917 - 8 December 1986) was an American journalist for the Chicago Daily News, and the Chicago Sun-Times. But, this isn't about Mr. Harris. This is about disagreements and character.

It is no secret that Christians often use the Bible as an excuse to behave badly. I've written about many a "believer" who manipulates scripture for his or her own nefarious activities. It's shameful.

Pharisaical people are also great at twisting scripture to support their actions when others disagree with them. How great it must be to toss all personal responsibility onto God. You don't like the way I lead my ministry, raise my kids, honor my spouse, treat my neighbor, or do my job? Well, "God led me to do it this way". Who's going to argue with that logic?

It'd be awesome if my employer would let me palm off my responsibilities in that manner. I could not show up for work all week and say, "God spoke to me, and He told me I should take a few days off to refresh, renew, and fellowship with him." Hmmm...I wonder how that would go over with my boss? And yet, I've had Sunday School teachers use that exact excuse for not showing up on Sunday mornings with nary a phone call to cover their shift. And they get away with it!

I'm pretty sure God calls us to honor our commitments. 

Most of us sit in our church pews, bow our heads during prayer, raise our hands during worship, and drop a few bucks in the offering plate. And yet, there are people - brothers and sisters - sitting on the other side of the room with whom we argue and disagree. How we handle those conflicts is a reflection of our character.

The fact that we have misunderstandings and squabbles is a part of the human condition and most often unavoidable. How we deal with discord and strife, however, is a reflection of our character. When we blame God for our junk, we are a poor reflection of God's character. The majority of Christ followers would agree that God is perfect, so how can we blame our imperfection on Him?

It's not okay to use God as a cover for what I lack in personal character and honor. Owning up to my mistakes is hard and painful, but nothing of real value is ever easy. 

Now, let's get off the pew, take personal ownership of our successes AND our failures, and let's take seriously the task of developing strong characters within. Remember, it is in times of disagreement and dissension that our character is disclosed. We aren't fooling anyone. God longs to shine through us.

When Did I Stop Believing?

When did this happen?

When was it, exactly, that I woke up and realized I could no longer defend "The Church"?

I was raised in a family that went to church every single weekend and at least once during the week. Mom played the piano and Dad operated the soundboard (when he wasn't napping during the sermon). My siblings and I sang, read scripture, and even served as greeters.

As I grew, I began to see and recognize The Church had its flaws. My childhood minister had an affair with the head deacon's wife and they eventually married. Come to think of it - most of my early spiritual leaders were a bit more randy then my naive pre-teen self could ever have imagined. The Church was not immune to scandal and gossip.

Even with its faults, I saw the good and gave grace to the bad. I bought into the bumper sticker mentality that said, Not Perfect, Just Forgiven. I praised the virtues of an almighty God who was powerful enough to create the entire world and everything in it, yet gentle and personal enough to love little ol' me and live in my imperfect heart.

And then - and I don't know exactly when it was - I stopped making excuses for The Church. We are messed up. We don't need to put stickers on the shiny bumper of our brand new SUVs. The whole universe knows we're not perfect. They also believe us to be Pharisaical hypocrites, judgmental bigots, critical homophobes, and crazy loons. 

Do they have a case? Are we those things?

I love The Father. He has rescued my family and me from unimaginable chaos. He delivered us from the prison of a gravely dysfunctional church body.

We've been called to be salt and light. But too much salt kills the flavor and drowns the uniqueness of the very food it's supposed to enhance. So often, I think that's what we think our job is - to smother anyone who believes differently and who acts in opposition to our haughty perceived perfection. 

We've got to knock that crap off!

I'll keep searching for the good, and speaking out against the bad. The Church is broken and I'm not gonna fix it all by myself. I can, however, be salt and light to a world searching and to a church hurting.

Today I choose to get off the pew!

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Today's post is from guest blogger, Liz Stoeckel. This is being reposted with the author's permission.

I love, love the film “You’ve Got Mail”. I bet I’ve seen it 20 times! At one point Kathleen Kelly writes to her chat room buddy, NY152, “So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?” I’ve got the opposite issue. So much of the fiction I read reminds me of frightening experiences I’ve actually lived through.

People read books and think, “that doesn’t happen in real life”. I’m here to tell you—yes it does!

I’ve read every one of Nicholas Sparks’ romance laden, tear jerkin’, heart breakin’ novels. Hey, don’t judge me. He rocks. But Sparks’ latest book, “Safe Haven”, is messin’ me up! I’ve lived parts of this story!

The book is about the mysterious and beautiful Katie who appears in a small North Carolina town. Alex is a young widower with two small children. He immediately takes a liking to Miss Katie.

Katie’s past is slowly revealed, and her fictional drama is reminding me of my real-life chronicles. She ran away from her abusive husband. Not only did he hit her and attempt to control her every move, he also used Bible scripture to justify himself.

My ex-husband used the Bible to legitimize his bizarre antics. He wouldn’t go to the grocery story with me because “God hadn’t released” him. He spent hours in front of the television watching Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker because “God directed” him through their show, Praise The Lord. He stayed home and cast demons out of my closet while I was at work, then threw me up against a wall in an attempt to exorcise the devil out of me.

One evening we went to marriage counseling at the home of one of the pastors from our church. We got to the small apartment in Clovis before the pastor and his wife had a chance to get home from the Sunday night service. We sat on the patch of grass in front of the complex—my baby son asleep in my arms.

While we waited there on that muggy summer evening, Terry read scriptures to me. Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife, Proverbs 21:9 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord, Ephesians 5:22. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord, Colossians 3:18. And on and on.

That counseling session did not go as Terry expected. The pastor directed all counsel at my then-husband. He was not being a Godly leader—he wasn’t working and providing for his family, he couldn’t be called the Spiritual head of the home, and he was ignoring the Bible’s instructions to love your wives and do not be harsh to them. (Colossians 3:19)

At the end of our time together that evening, the counselor instructed me to not “use” any of the things said that evening against Terry. In other words, I was not to say, “I told you so!”

On the way home I asked if we could stop for a Sprite soda. Terry went ballistic, saying things like, “The pastor told you not to use his words to get what you want. I suppose you think you can ask me for anything now.” I remember being so terrified that night.

He eventually left Dallas and me at our apartment and he disappeared. I didn’t see him until the next day. Such ugliness.

My former husband has not been the only “Christian” to use the Bible as a weapon of mass destruction. I think I’ve accepted some of the abuse because I sincerely want to “hear” God and honor Him. People often use God as a hammer to beat people into submission.

I’ve written about the associate pastor who told me I was “on a dangerous path” because I asked “Why?” His boss had removed me from a leadership position that I loved and was good at. When I asked why, I was told, “Because I’m in charge.” Don’t ask questions…submit to the will and way of the leader—the man. These could’ve been the instructions of cult leaders like David Koresh or Jim Jones!

It’s not just men who are spiritual bullies – women do it too. Oh, our ways are subtler, but no less wrong. We gossip and call it a “prayer request”. We manipulate and claim to have “heard God” tell us truths He won’t tell you. 

Sunday at church the pastor challenged us. John the Baptist said, “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.” But Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is here, repent.” In other words, come have a relationship with me and hopefully that relationship leads to change. Real heart reformation rarely happens in the finger pointing, name calling, judgment-rendering call to “REPENT!” (Cue echo sound effect)

I grew up in a very legalistic and spiritually oppressive environment. I grew up believing that it was way more important to act religious than to know Jesus and actually have him as a friend. When I was young I was terrified of breaking the rules because God’s wrath would send me straight to hell.

As a young adult I went to the same kind of legalistic, fire and brimstone “do this” “don’t do that” kind of church. It was what was familiar. If I could change one thing about my past, I’d change what my kids learned about religion when they were little. I hope they one day see a clear picture of who Jesus really is—not the spiritual bully they grew up seeing in others.

Home churches are on the rise today. A friend told me the other day she chooses to forego the traditional church because everyone in the home church has “issues just like me”. It would be more honest to say that people at the home church ADMIT to having issues far more readily than the traditionalists, with their “Repent Now!” mantra.

To the bullies I say, no, I am not “too weak”! I’m the strongest person you’ll ever meet and I’ve survived things most people only read about in novels. No, God did not “tell” you some mean, oppressively religious thing about me. We talk everyday and HE thinks I’m awesome. And no, just because you’re a pastor does not mean you can manipulate and twist my words in order to prove I’m something I’m not. No!!

(You can find more from Liz Stoeckel at lizbydesign.blogspot.com)

Waitin' to be discovered!

Doin' Church With An Atheist

I just finished reading Jim & Casper Go To Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper *. It’s a fabulous book that really should be read by every church leader and Christ follower out there.

I wonder, are you brave enough to look at yourself and your church through the eyes of an unbeliever?

Long-time Christian, Jim Henderson noted that most Christians have been immersed in The Church culture for so long, that we have no idea how non-Christians perceive us and the ritual we call “doing church”. So, Jim hired an atheist named Matt Casper to travel with him to 12 diverse churches and then give his honest assessment and opinions about what he saw and heard. The book details their adventure.

Matt Casper, like most atheists I know, is kind, caring, and uber smart. He asks a question we should all be asking ourselves; “Is this what Jesus told you guys to do?”

Jim and Casper visit the big and bold (Willow Creek, Saddleback, and Lakewood), and some small and scrappy churches like, a house church in San Diego and “The Bridge” in Portland, Oregon. It doesn’t surprise me to learn that the mega-churches and their mall-like campuses are a bit of a turn-off to guys like Casper.

Casper makes some worthy observations. On music: (The Saddleback band) “The music is too contrived, too slick, too professional, really. I see the entertainment value, but when it comes to music, I like it pure. Too much polish and you lose the heartfelt power, you lose the soul of the music, and you’re not gonna move anyone.”

On visual effects: (The Dream Center in Los Angeles, CA) “Is that what Jesus told you guys to do? Put on a Christian rock show that’s visually and sonically indistinguishable from a non-Christian rock show, change the words, and call it church? Is that pulled from the Bible?”

Joel Osteen is big on the “name it and claim it” religious philosophy, and his vague style of preaching did not appeal to Casper at all. When Osteen’s wife, Victoria cried during the offering call (and a camera close-up revealed her make-up didn’t run), Casper was livid. Victoria manipulatively nudged troubled parishioners to give when she said, “God, through your faithfulness to him, will turn things around.” This implies that if bad things happen to us, it’s our fault for not giving enough to God.

Listen, Matt Casper isn’t the only one that gets ticked off about that brand of overt manipulation. It seems to me that the very public fall of money-hungry, power-thirsty preachers like Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart would keep leaders from using scare tactics to get people to give their hard-earned monies.

My favorite part of the book is the question and answer section at the end in which we Christians reveal how very defensive we can be about how we do church. Both Henderson and Casper address the concerns and questions with grace and understanding.

I walked away from this read with a hunger to “do”. You see, Jesus didn’t just teach us what to believe, but how to act out our faith by serving others—feeding the poor, helping the helpless, and caring for the lost. No, our salvation is not determined by our work, but the assurance of our salvation should inspire us to act.

I encourage you to expand your circle of friends and influences to include people from many and varied faiths and beliefs. Listen—really listen to their thoughts, views, and opinions about God, the world, church, and Christianity. You will be encouraged, inspired, and motivated to get off the pew and put work boots on your faith. Break out of your comfort zone and get off the pew!

* (Copyright 2007 by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper).