Relying On The Kindness of Strangers

Several of my friends are looking for work. Many more are underemployed.

These are tough financial times, and more than ever we need one another. In the Tennessee Williams play, "A Streetcar Named Desire" a fading but still attractive Blanche Dubois explains how she survives when she says, "I always depended on the kindness of strangers."

My friend "John" was laid off from the job he loved a little over three years ago. He was asked to appear on stage at his church in a presentation of "cardboard testimonies". I think most of us have seen these displays. The choir sings an appropriately emotionally manipulative song such as "Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone" and people appear on stage holding a large cardboard sign. On one side is written a confession or need, and on the other side - words of hope.

The pastor of John's mega-church asked him to participate in Cardboard-Sunday just a few weeks after he became unemployed. The words, "I just lost my job" were written on one side, and "Trusting God" on the other. He, along with more than twenty transparent and hopeful parishioners used simple words to share their heart with a congregation of more than 5,000 that day.

Two weeks later John had lunch with his friend Mark. Mark had to know, "So, did you get a lot of job offers after Cardboard-Sunday?" "You know," John replied, "not even one."

I was surprised by that fact. Five thousand people–brothers and sister in the faith–and not one single person could offer a job lead? Literally hundreds of the city's leaders, business owners, and movers and shakers claim this particular church as their own. I know many of them were sitting in the pews that day.

There was a time when the church rallied to help their own in times of need. Then the government began offering welfare and food stamps to help the poor and indigent. The Church threw up their hands and seemed to say, "Whew! Helping the needy is no longer our job."

Blanche Dubois relied on the kindness of strangers. I wonder if The Church had failed her.

It's been three years since John poured his heart out onto a large chunk of cardboard. His family still struggles as John continues to look for work. Life is further complicated by health problems, broken cars, and leaky house pipes they can't afford to repair.

I believe that if a need has made its way into my circle of knowledge and influence, then I'm supposed to respond. I can ask around, spread the word, donate a little money here and there, send a card of encouragement, pray, pray, and pray.

Get off the pew, look around, really see the needs in your circle of knowledge and influence, and then respond. Get off the pew!

Truth In The Text

I received the following text message from my friend, who happens to be a highway patrol officer:

• I have decided that a lot of church people are the meanest people I know.  I worked this crash at $#@%&* Church where two woman backed out of a stall and hit each other. One woman just informed me she is going to tell "Pastor Dave" about this, because the other woman is lying, etc. I'm like REALLY!!?? Geez! All this woman wants to do is trash this other woman, and it's a tiny fender bender! Both at fault. I told her I based my conclusion on the physical evidence and HER statement too!

My officer friend is a very spiritual person, but wants nothing to do with church. Guess what, that strong opinion still holds–and with good reason. The text message continues:

• I told her it's a small little accident and there is no need for this to escalate. Oh no, not good enough! Now it's going to be a full blown church fight. 

My friend is very aware of the abuse my family has suffered at the hands of so-called Christians. I want to believe that our story is not the norm, but evidence continues to point to so much deep-seated arrogance and dysfunction among believers. My friend's text goes on:

• So, it all reminded me of all that crap with you and your church and I felt like I wanted to just hug U....and kick this mean woman. She is just a shit stirrer. It's like junior high. I mean, this grown woman is running to the pastor like a child when it doesn't even involve the church.  She just wants to hurt the other woman.

Once again...Christians have the opportunity to model who Jesus is for the unchurched, and we blow it. The patrol officer nailed it. So many problems are caused when immature Christians run to pastors to fix problems that should be resolved solely by the two people involved.

My friend's final observation:

• It's no wonder pastors get big heads when their members run to them like kids every time someone looks at them sideways.

Ouch. Get off the pew. Resolve a conflict, restore a relationship, and renew your commitment to be Jesus with skin on. And next time you're involved in a little game of bumper cars out there on the road, remember that you might've just been given the opportunity to witness to the investigating officer. What a privilege.

When Pastors Choose Our Friends

Is it ever okay for a pastor to tell a parishioner who said parishioner can and cannot have as a friend?

An acquaintance of mine was in the middle of a casual conversation with her pastor the other day, when he told her that he would rather she not be friends with someone. She became understandably defensive.

“Are you really telling me with whom I can be friends?”

“I’m just telling you to be careful.” He went on to explain how the person in question was an inferior Christian and therefore – inferior friend material.

Jesus modeled for us the example of how to be friends with people we “ought not” be friends with. Jesus was totally politically incorrect when he approached the Samaritan woman at the well. He talked with her, encouraged her, challenged her, and then sent her off to become the first evangelist.

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” John 4:39

When we stand in the way of friendships, we reveal our own insecurities, judgmental heart, critical spirit, and phobias. So many pastors have become arrogant and prideful. They seem to truly believe they and they alone know how to make right and good choices. 

The number of pastor/teachers who seem to believe it’s their God-given right to literally direct every aspect of the believer’s life shouldn’t surprise me. I see it all the time.

Get off the pew and go make an unlikely friend today. Go. Go!

The Tithing Kiosk

Well, we knew this day would eventually come, as we are a mostly cashless society now. That truth, frankly, is an easy excuse to not tithe, give, or donate. "Oh, I forgot to stop by the ATM on my way to church this morning and I ran out of checks a year ago. Sorry, I can't contribute to the offering plate today."

So, what is the answer to the I-don't-have-cash-on-me dilemma? The Tithing Kiosk.

I wonder...will people start impulse tithing? Will parishioners call the church office on Monday morning demanding a refund because they find themselves suffering from giver's remorse? 

Now that the Tithing Kiosk has been installed, I fully expect giving to go up substantially. We love giving to God's work, we love our debit cards, and we love machines. Well, this is a win/win.

Art - Takin' it back!

Art in the church. For as long as I can remember, this has been a controversial and often adversarial subject. 

I remember when I was pre-teen a music group was set to perform at our church. My family arrived early that evening because my mom was a greeter and my dad operated the sound system - which consisted of four microphones, four knobs, and one on/off switch.

The singing group arrived and before long all twelve members (six men and six women) were dressed in their matching lavender-colored maxi-dresses, polyester suits, and perfectly coiffed hair-dos. The piano player sat down at the baby grand to make sure the instrument was tuned to his satisfaction, a couple of players tightened the loose strings on their guitars, and then...dun dun dun. Are those drums?

The pastor stuck his head into the still mostly empty sanctuary, called the leader of the group aside. In a hushed whisper he informed the young director that drums were not welcome in this here church. "Those are tools of the devil."

True story.

Now days you can find a drum kit on nearly every single church platform in America - except of course, congregations associated with The Church of Christ, as they don't play musical instruments. It seems odd to me that rhythm instruments were not allowed in most churches until fairly recently considering the Psalmist says, "Praise him with crashing cymbals". He encourages us to praise Him with dancing, with stringed instruments, with the tambourine, with the harp, and with the trumpet. That's Psalm 150, by the way.

It wasn't until the late 1970's and early '80's that live drama became more of a church mainstay. I knew pastors in that era, however, who still preached against going to the movies or secular live theatre venues to see plays or musicals.

I believe all things were created by God, through God, and for God. I believe it because the Bible tells us so. Yes, He even created Hollywood, Broadway, Bollywood, and small town community theatre companies everywhere. I believe God Himself gifted Picasso, Rembrandt, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, and Monet with immeasurable artistic talent. God poured music into the hearts, minds, and piano playing fingers of Liberace, Barry Manilow, and Billy Joel. He created Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain.

Yes, art was created by God as a gift to His kids–a gift of beauty, inspiration, joy, excitement, energy, and life. School districts have cut their budgets down to nubbins, and art education is always the first to go. Perhaps it's time the church takes back that which we have so readily handed over to the world.

Proverbs tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go [according to his bent] and when he is old he will not turn away". The artists among us are being turned away - by the schools and by the church. I say we take seriously the admonition to train up these talented young people. We can nurture their talent and teach them God's amazing and unconditional awesomeness.

Come on Church. Get off the pew and start a children's choir, create a theatre company, find a place for young filmmakers, and teach young musicians. Find instructors who not only have "a heart for the ministry", but the talent and education needed to train up quality artists. There's nothing worse than the bless-his-heart-he-tries church artist. We're representing the God of the Universe, for heaven's sake. We need to bring in the first string players on this one.

I say it's time The Church takes back art. It is, after all, God's gift to us. We have no business complaining about the movies, television, music, plays, and comedy offerings out there today when we're just sitting in our pews and on our hands and not creating superior alternatives.

Get off the pew!

Christianity's Greatest Enemy

What is Christianity's biggest enemy today? Would you say it's Islam? Maybe it's Hinduism, Satanism, Atheism, or the entire Democratic Party. Perhaps you believe our enemies are members of the liberal media, scientists, HBO, The Rainbow Coalition, Al Gore, or The Walt Disney Corporation.

My answer might surprise you.

I think Christianity's greatest enemy is the Prosperity Gospel.

The faithful and hopeful are looking to Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Joel Osteen, and the like to inspire them and to build their faith. If you just "have faith" the money will come, you will be healed, and all good will come to you. I wonder how these men would council the apostle Paul whose faith could not cure the "thorn" in his flesh, or keep him out of prison.

Of course there are Faith "Hall of Famers" who were definitely prosperous by the world's standards. I think of Abraham, David, Isaac, Job, and Solomon - just to name a few. But again, their faith could not shield them against tragedy, loss, brokenness, and deep heartache. Financial gain does not guard against sadness and disappointment.

This past weekend I attended a conference at a mega church in Southern California. As is always the case at these gatherings, there were several offerings taken through out the course of the two days. Each time the pastor took the stage before the passing of the buckets (or joy bags), he offered words of encouragement––a rally call of sorts. He told us how he and his wife now give 50% of their income to the Lord. Just last week he spoke at another church and one woman was so inspired by his message that she wrote a personal check for $20,000. This, he assured us, is what happens when you give your money away.

My friend has been attending this church for fifteen years and she gives a great deal to the ministry because of its unique outreach goals. She's also $50,000 in debt. She believes that Jesus is coming soon and she accepts the fact that she'll never be out of debt, so why worry?

Psalm 37:21 says, The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously. It seems that we easily claim the second half of that verse, but gloss over the first half. 

I've seen an awful lot of people give a great deal of money to ministries they whole-heartily believe in. But in the end, the ministry and its leader gets fat and prosperous, while the giver is left with an empty wallet and a broken heart. This just isn't okay.

Should we give to the poor? Of course! But, look at Proverbs 22:16–One who oppresses the poor to increase his wealth and one who gives to the rich–both come to poverty. Wow! Many of these prosperity gospel teachers do not see themselves as rich, but compared to the majority of their givers, their lives are opulent (generally speaking). When we give to the rich, we will come to poverty! Scary.

Do I believe in tithing? Yes. Do I think we should give to the poor? Yes. Do I agree our troubles are a direct result of our lack of faith? Occasionally. For the most part, however, this is life. We will have struggles and challenges and setbacks. When preachers add to the burden of our troubles by heaping guilt on us isn't fair, isn't right, and isn't Biblical.

Get off the pew and do what is right. Get out of debt so that you can give freely and without fear or anxiety. And remember; When you give to the needy, do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing so that your giving may be in secret. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:3-4.

Kingdom Minded or Church Minded?

It seems that every few months a new catchphrase rides a wave and washes over every church activity or gathering I encounter. Pastors jump on the catchphrase ship and sail out into the sermon ocean in hopes of capitalizing on the latest spiritually edifying craze.

Pastors, teachers, and Bible study leaders delve into, study, and impart their Christianese wisdom on topics like, "Let go and let God"; "What would Jesus do?"; "On becoming the emerging church", "It's not religion, it's a relationship", etc...

Lately, I've encountered a number of conversations and messages that could be titled, "Kingdom-minded, or church-minded?" Under which category do you think your church falls? I've been attending a few different churches in the past couple of years, and I see a huge chasm filled with differences between the two types of congregations.

The Kingdom-minded congregation recognizes that everything you do - where you work, where you live, and how you spend your leisure time - affords opportunities to be Jesus with skin on to the people with whom you come in contact. The church-minded body attempts to micromanage your life outside of Sunday, i.e., discouraging certain activities and friendships.

The Kingdom-minded church understands that God can use non-believers to teach and enlighten. The church-minded pastor refuses to read leadership books or attend conferences written by or featuring non-Christian speakers - regardless of their intelligence or experience.

A women's ministry director removed one of her leadership team members because she began attending Sunday services at another church. But wait. Are we not all one body? The church is not a building, but rather a family of believers from all over the world and from all walks of life, economic stations, experiences, and cultures, right? This women's ministry director is church-minded, and not Kingdom-minded.

So, of what mind are you? Is your loyalty to Father and His purposes, or to a pastor and his human whims and wishes? Do you live in legalistic bondage to a church, or the freedom and grace gifted to you by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords?

Get off the pew and pray for the heart and mind of Christ.

Small Decision - Eternal Consequence

A pastor was quoted in the Religion section of the local paper.

[My mentor] taught me to be careful of even the small decisions because they could have great consequences in the future. You could have a bad day, but you need to be careful.


Great quote, right? Sound advice, don't you think? Except that this particular pastor has a long history of NOT following this thoughtful admonition. His inability to engage in loving confrontation is legendary. All over this city you can find wounded soldiers bleeding and suffering from his verbal stabbings and harsh condemnation.

Our own children walked away from the Lord after this particular pastor made a choice about me, which was based on completely false information. A small decision made on what was surely a bad day has had eternal consequences for my family.

Sadly, my story isn't unique. My friend's husband left her and she decided to take some time for herself. She'd always loved musical theatre, so she auditioned for a show with the local troupe. The pastor found out, but he didn't approve of the theatre. He kicked her out of the choir and she was encouraged to leave the church. She was left to go through a painful divorce without the love and support of her long-time church family. It took years for her wounds to heal, and today the scars remain.

He once fired a man who'd faithfully served on the church staff for 21 years. He gave no notice and no reason, except that "the time had come" (whatever that means).

A young piano player who was a new believer was excited to be a part of the church worship team. She really loved her new Christian family. One night a musician friend asked her to cover for him at a secular gig. This pastor found out and kicked her off the worship team - leaving the new believer confused, sad, and broken. It was 15 years before she stepped foot in another church.

A woman reported to the pastor that there was evidence that a person on the creative arts team was jealous of her. She manipulated and twisted the facts in order shine a false but incriminating light on the so-called envious one. If the pastor were a good leader, he would have told the informant to go to the other person directly and deal with whatever was going on. That's what Jesus teaches us to do, right? But, not being a fan of confrontation himself, he just fired the other person with no explanation. How do I know? I'm the other person.

Another heart broken, a family displaced, and teen-age kids at a crossroad make a decision to turn as far from God as possible. Who wants to serve a God whose church is so terrible and mean?

If you're a parent, you know how your heart breaks when the kids fight and mistreat one another. Imagine how God feels when his kids hurt each other with such force that the action has eternal consequences. Oh gosh, how sad.

Listen, the pastor's inability to take his own counsel (or that of a teacher) does not lessen the validity of the advice. Indeed, even a small decision can have great consequences in the future.

Get off the pew and (as Dr. Laura would say), go do the right thing.

Charlie Rangel, What?

Congressman Charlie Rangel is appealing to pastors to ask their congregations, "What would Jesus do?"

Mr. Rangel is suggesting that preachers encourage their congregations to call Republican representatives and implore them to raise taxes so more money can go to help the indigent and needy. This, Mr. Rangel believes, is what Jesus would do.

It's funny that Charlie puts himself out there as an authority of sorts on things Jesus would do. First of all, Rangel has been in big trouble for tax evasion and I'm pretty sure that Jesus denounces that sort of thing. The apostle Paul reiterated this in his letter to the Romans when he said, "If you owe taxes, pay taxes." (Romans 13:7)

James 1:27 instructs us to "look after orphans and widows in their distress". In other words, it is the church - the body of believers - who should be helping, serving, and meeting the needs of the less fortunate, NOT THE GOVERNMENT. So, no Mr. Rangel, I will not be calling my Republican representatives and asking for a tax increase.

Now, I must say here that I do believe the church has dropped the ball in this area. Or, have the needy stopped going to church? It's a complicated issue for sure.

I've seen a lot of financial abuse and ball dropping from the body of Christ. I know a family who has ten children and has been receiving subsidies from the church for many years. Dad works and mom home-schools the kids and they're not particularly needy, they've just had more kids than they can afford. I have trouble understanding how that fact has become the church's burden.

On the other hand, I've seen families whose children were lost to drug addiction. They begged the church for financial help to pay the exorbitant cost of rehabilitation. The church's response? "We don't pay for drug problems." Um.....?

Matthew 6:2-4 tells us to go about giving to the needy and doing so silently and without fanfare. Come on church, get off the pew, help the helpless, love the unlovable, reach out to the lost, and do the right thing. If we all pitch in, there will be no need for the Charlie Rangels of the world to guilt us into handing more of our money over to the government.

You're Son is Reading What?

My friend Lorie is a Christian singer/songwriter and has been since she was a child. She's now a grown woman with children of her own.

She was recently booked to sing at a church and she brought her kids with her. Her son sat quietly in the front pew while she did her sound check and prepared for the concert.

Now, I happen to have several friends who are singers and musicians, and many of them travel with their young children. Some of the kids are performers-in-training and they immerse themselves in the minutia - from the set-up, to running the sound board, to joining mom or dad on the stage, to tearing down and packing up equipment.

All Lorie's son wanted to do was read. And so, he buried himself in the latest "Harry Potter" novel. Big mistake, huge - at least in the eyes of the church finger-waggers.

Lorie was told she'd never be welcome back to perform for that particular congregation because she had an obvious character flaw - she let her son read "Harry Potter".

Oh, for heaven's sake. No really...for heaven's sake, let this kind of judgmental criticism go. Lorie's passion is to use her talent to tell God's story. When you squash her, you squash an opportunity for someone else to hear God's voice.

Get off the pew!