Illegitimate kids needing a Father

An old friend and I had a short Facebook chat earlier today. We met when our families attended the same uber conservative church where he’s still a member. After catching up a bit, I asked about the church I had attended for over 13 years.

Me: How are things at church?

Him: Different. They’re dedicating illegitimate children now.

Me: Wow!

Him: Yeah. You know, they wouldn’t dedicate our grandkids when they were born.

Me: What changed?

Him: Several staff and “elite” church members had illegitimate babies born into their families and they wanted them dedicated. They had to wake up and live in the real world.

I have to confess—I was shocked (but thrilled) to hear that this particular church was now bringing unwed parents and their babies up onto the sanctuary platform for the dedication ceremony.

For those of you who aren’t churchgoers, when a new baby is born to Christian parents they bring the child to the pastor in front of the congregation. The parents agree to raise the child up to know God and the church members promise to pray for and encourage the family. The pastor prays over the child and his or her parents.

This particular church acted as if the babies born to unwed parents were unclean and contagious! Aren’t babies born to single moms just as important as any other new baby? They deserve to be dedicated to the Lord—don’t they?

When I attended that church there were a lot of very, very rigid rules. Divorced people could not teach Sunday school, musicians and actors were not allowed to perform in secular arenas, clubs, or theatres, and female staff members were not allowed to wear pants.

No, I’m not talking about the 1950’s. I’m talking about recent times. In fact, the only rule that has relaxed in the last few years is the one about woman and pants.

And now—babies born to unwed parents are being dedicated.

How sad it is that it wasn’t until church staff and “elite” family members began to be affected that the pastors finally understood the value of dedicating ALL new babies to The Lord. I hate to point out the obvious, but wasn’t Jesus an illegitimate child?

The Church sometimes fails to see The World until The World comes dancing down the aisle wearing sandals and dreadlocks and plops itself in a front row pew. I come back again to my purpose for writing this blog—to encourage you (and me) to be Jesus with skin on.

Jesus went into the world and walked with the lost, offered hope to the empty, and accepted people right where they were. He did not wait for them to come to Him!

Leaving that conservative church was a very difficult thing to do. Today I find myself wondering why it was so hard. Was I concerned that people might suspect I wasn’t “good enough” to be a member of that congregation? I think I was afraid that if I left the church people might suspect I had sinned!

I HAD to leave the church—the world was calling. You know the whole be-in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world thing? Have you met people that are so heavenly minded that they’re no earthly good? Well…that was me!

I’m okay with admitting that I’m far from perfect. I love the amazing people that I’ve had the awesome privilege to walk with, talk with, share with, and cry with. If not for my imperfections I might still be sitting on the pew in my comfortable piety and religiosity.

Get off the pew. The illegitimate kids of the world are looking for a Father. Get off the pew!

Promises made...Promises broken

I've written before about the church's practice of parent/child dedications. These ceremonies are the stuff of which precious moments and just plain cuteness are made. Mom and Dad (and very often other family members) carry the baby up on the church platform. The pastor holds the oft-sleeping little one in his arms, and he prays for God's blessings on the child and on the family. The entire congregation is asked to support the parents in the raising of the child with their love, support, and prayers. The church family extends their arms toward the family in a symbolic laying on of the hands.

The other day I talked with yet another mom of not one, but two prodigal children. Her youngest son has been in jail for several months, and last week, her oldest son was arrested. I am once again struck by the overwhelming sense of loneliness felt by the parents of prodigals. It is a long, lonely road from the joyful and hopeful parent/child dedication to the cold, sterile walls of the county jail. Moms, in particular, carry so much guilt and feelings of responsibility for the way their kids turn out. "O" Magazine recently published an article by Susan Klebold, the mom whose son, Dylan, was one of the young men who carried out the student massacre at Columbine High School near Denver, Colorado. Susan has spent the past 10 years searching for peace, for solace, and for answers. She has expressed her apology for what her son (along with fellow student Eric Harris) did. She has written letters to the parents who lost children on that horrible day in 1999, but her therapist advised her against sending them because they would open and tear at wounds that will never fully heal. Some of the still grieving parents were interviewed and asked if they accepted Susan Klebold's apology. One father said, "It is too little too late. She should have apologized sooner." One father, however, said the apology was welcomed. Susan, it seems to me was the best mother she could have been. Her son (like most prodigals) was very good at hiding his dark thoughts from his mom. Why are we so quick to blame her for her son's sins? God is the perfect father, and His kids are a mess!

Susan Klebold lost her son on that horrific day at Columbine High School. Her grief is just as real and crushing as that of the other mothers and fathers. The families of the innocent victims have been covered in prayer and love since the moment the frightening live footage began streaming across our television screens. The families of the killers have been judged, criticized, questioned, and suspected. She was forever changed that day. "Dylan changed everything I believed about myself, about God, about family, and about love", Susan said. What happened to that beautiful little boy between the day he was dedicated and the day he trapped his schoolmates in the high school library? Remember all the people who raised their hands and promised to pray for that sweet little baby and help guide him into adulthood? Did they forget about their commitment to God and to that family? Babies and their families are dedicated nearly every Sunday in our church. Get off the pew, church. Even after the cuteness wears off, those babies you promised to pray for and help guide are still God's babies, and He's asked us to walk alongside one another. Reach out to a prodigal today. Get off the pew, church!!