Too Old For The Sex Talk

"Martha" is 73 years old and has been a faithful member of the same church for over 40 years. After her husband died she began volunteering her time at the church she loved.

Recently the young and fairly new pastor was teaching a series on Biblical principles for sex.

Once a week Martha came in to help prepare for the Sunday services. She would often stuff the bulletins with weekly announcements.  A few weeks ago, as she was stuffing, she told another volunteer that she was old, widowed, and that her sexual days were behind her. Therefore, she said, she didn't feel the need to attend any of the services during the "Biblical Sex" series.

A couple of days later Martha was called into the office by the pastor. She was called on the carpet for "gossiping" and was told she was no longer welcome at the church.

Martha wasn't gossiping - she was merely stating her opinion in a (supposedly) safe place and to a friend. The "friend", by the way, is a tattle-tail gossip.  What was her purpose in going to the pastor with the contents of a private conversation?  As I understand it, that woman is still a welcomed parishioner.

Okay Pastor, get off your pew of self-love and wild insecurity. Not everyone is going to think every word that comes from your mouth is a gold nugget. Get over yourself!

Get off the pew!

Church Discipline or Public Humiliation

Over the past year there has been a lot of controversy surrounding Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. There was a public brouhaha surrounding the dismissal of a church member named Andrew. 

The facts of the case have been made public. Andrew admitted to his fiancé that he cheated on her. As one would expect, she was devastated. Realizing that he needed to be held accountable, he sought out his "community group" leader, confessed to him, and asked for prayer. Oh, and Andrew admitted to having sex with his fiancé.

From there, all hell broke loose. The community leader told other leaders and the pastor eventually learned about Andrew's indiscretion. The entire church body was informed that there was a "wolf" in the flock and that he was under official church discipline. The members were told to shun Andrew - do not eat with him, do not talk with him, and walk away when you see him in public.

I realize that this is old news to many of you, but I want to address how Mars Hill Church defends its actions in a blog post:

In talking about the difference between confession and repentance, we should first distinguish true confession from various false forms of confession. True confession is agreeing with God that we’ve sinned and naming the sin as God would name it. An example of false confession might be to give partial details in a way that glosses over the severity of the sin. In that case, one’s hidden intention is actually not to bring the sin out into the light, but rather to offer true words as a decoy that keeps the underlying sin in the dark. In any case, confession amounts to bringing sin out into the light by telling the truth about it. To confess is to only to speak of a sin; to repent is to follow up a confession with change.

Mars Hill clearly makes a practice of judging a man's heart, intentions, and truth telling. How dare they claim spiritual authority equal to or above that of God. What happened to "judge not, lest you be judged"?  

I know EXACTLY how Andrew feels. I was accused of having nefarious intentions behind completely innocent actions. One accusation made against me was this goody, "You saw me walking toward you in the hall at church and you turned and walked the other way. I have no choice but to assume you're jealous of me." Crazy? Well, judging the intentions of another person is not only crazy, but also wrong on every level.

I have no patience for pompous Pharisees who practice public humiliation. Jesus went to the woman at the well when she was completely alone. In another instance, men were ready to stone a prostitute, but Jesus silently began writing in the dirt and one by one, the men dropped their stones. It has been surmised that Jesus was writing the sins of the men in the sand. He didn't publicly humiliate or call people out - he just gently reminded them of their own past weaknesses.

Get off the pew of public humiliation. Stop shunning, and get back to some good old fashioned relationship building. Get off the pew (and away from Mars Hill).

P.S. Andrew, wherever you are, I hope you're doing well and that you know how very much God loves you.

Small Decision - Eternal Consequence

A pastor was quoted in the Religion section of the local paper.

[My mentor] taught me to be careful of even the small decisions because they could have great consequences in the future. You could have a bad day, but you need to be careful.


Great quote, right? Sound advice, don't you think? Except that this particular pastor has a long history of NOT following this thoughtful admonition. His inability to engage in loving confrontation is legendary. All over this city you can find wounded soldiers bleeding and suffering from his verbal stabbings and harsh condemnation.

Our own children walked away from the Lord after this particular pastor made a choice about me, which was based on completely false information. A small decision made on what was surely a bad day has had eternal consequences for my family.

Sadly, my story isn't unique. My friend's husband left her and she decided to take some time for herself. She'd always loved musical theatre, so she auditioned for a show with the local troupe. The pastor found out, but he didn't approve of the theatre. He kicked her out of the choir and she was encouraged to leave the church. She was left to go through a painful divorce without the love and support of her long-time church family. It took years for her wounds to heal, and today the scars remain.

He once fired a man who'd faithfully served on the church staff for 21 years. He gave no notice and no reason, except that "the time had come" (whatever that means).

A young piano player who was a new believer was excited to be a part of the church worship team. She really loved her new Christian family. One night a musician friend asked her to cover for him at a secular gig. This pastor found out and kicked her off the worship team - leaving the new believer confused, sad, and broken. It was 15 years before she stepped foot in another church.

A woman reported to the pastor that there was evidence that a person on the creative arts team was jealous of her. She manipulated and twisted the facts in order shine a false but incriminating light on the so-called envious one. If the pastor were a good leader, he would have told the informant to go to the other person directly and deal with whatever was going on. That's what Jesus teaches us to do, right? But, not being a fan of confrontation himself, he just fired the other person with no explanation. How do I know? I'm the other person.

Another heart broken, a family displaced, and teen-age kids at a crossroad make a decision to turn as far from God as possible. Who wants to serve a God whose church is so terrible and mean?

If you're a parent, you know how your heart breaks when the kids fight and mistreat one another. Imagine how God feels when his kids hurt each other with such force that the action has eternal consequences. Oh gosh, how sad.

Listen, the pastor's inability to take his own counsel (or that of a teacher) does not lessen the validity of the advice. Indeed, even a small decision can have great consequences in the future.

Get off the pew and (as Dr. Laura would say), go do the right thing.

No Suit Required

“This pastor is changing things and we don’t like it. He wants people to stop wearing suits to church!”

A couple in their mid-40’s had only been coming to the church for a couple of months when they decided to go to one of the weekly dinners that are served on the large campus. They ended up sitting at a small table with a suit-wearing, sour-faced, ugly-talking older man and his wife. The crotchety couple didn’t waste time giving their tablemates an ear full.

They were, they boasted, founding members of the church and there are rules—ways of doing things around here. The new pastor, they said, didn’t respect the “traditions” of this old church.

The church I attend hired a new pastor/teacher eight months ago. The much beloved preacher he replaced retired after 44 years at the same pulpit. The outgoing leader was the only minister many in the congregation had ever known.

The new guy is a very young 48 years old. The man who retired was in his 70’s and he definitely came from a different era. His preaching style reflected his this-is-how-you-do-it confidence. No one could deliver a hellfire and brimstone sermon like the old-school minister.

Most of the staff pastors at the mega-church have been around for many, many years. They are used to doing things their way, and true accountability has kind of fallen by the wayside. A “good ol’ boy” mentality prevails.

So, in comes someone new and he’s ready to move the parishioners into the modern era, even if he has to drag the old-fashioned church kicking and screaming into the 21^st century. He brings change to the table and, let's be real, change is met with opposition 100% of the time.

Pastor New Guy offers weekly “get to know me” gatherings. I’ve been to several of these small group meetings where people are allowed to ask questions, raise concerns, voice their objections, and discuss the challenges that come with this type of transition.

The husband and his wife raised their hands and asked the pastor the question, “Are you really telling men they can no longer wear suits to church?”

“What?” Pastor New Guy was truly shocked. “Who told you that?”

The visitors related the strange conversation they’d had only an hour before. They told us they were sitting alone at a small table where the dinners are served when the old man and his wife asked if they could join them. As soon as the gray-haired man learned the younger couple was new to the church, he began bad mouthing the new pastor.

As I sat listening to this tale I was getting angrier by the second. Luckily, I didn’t have to open my mouth. Our lead pastor was plenty enough outraged.

“I didn’t say they couldn’t wear suits to church. I said they have the freedom to not wear suits to church.”

“If we hadn’t been Christians for our whole life, we might have been really offended by them.” The couple was being sweet about the ugly encounter.

“How do they know?” Pastor’s frustration was palpable. “How do they know you’re not a new believer? This is the way the ‘founding members’ of the church are talking to new attendees?”

No wonder the church stopped growing 10 years ago!

Listen up; Jesus doesn’t care whether or not you wear a suit to church! He doesn’t care about designer shoes, name-brand labels, or smart jewelry. Jesus just wants to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

Most of us have heard that church is a hospital for the sick and Jesus is the healer. A pastor friend of mine takes that analogy further. He says churches are like hospitals—you have to be extra careful to not contract an infection worse than the one you came in with.

Have you been infected with negativity, gossip mongering, pride, a judgmental attitude, or legalism? Get off the pew and take it to the great physician. Come to Jesus just as you are…no suit required! Get off the pew!

When Is Gossip Not Gossip?

When is gossip not gossip? That’s easy—when it’s prayer request, of course.

I’ve sat in many a prayer circle when someone will say something like this, “Hey you guys, we really need to pray for Bob and Carol. Bob has been coming home late and talking in whispers on the phone and Carol is pretty sure he’s having an affair. Their son is having trouble in school and it seems the marital problems are affecting the kids.”

Prayer request or gossip?

A few days ago I was at a company meeting. Our manager sat with me and five or six co-workers at a round table. We rarely work together, so this was an opportunity to catch up on one another’s lives and family events, solve work-related challenges, and go over our schedule for the next few months.

Ours is a service-oriented business and we handle hundreds of customers a day. At one point during a lull in the round table conversation one of my co-workers said, “Can I share something?”

She went on to tell a story about an incident that had happened a week or so earlier at the establishment. It seems she was not working on the day in question, but happened to be a costumer. She noticed another costumer wasn’t being served in a prompt manner, so she walked over to the gentleman and said, “Have you been helped?” “No”, the customer snapped (so the story goes), “I have not!”

My off duty co-worker helped the man and his wife. She then went on to tell us that she found the employee on duty (who, by the way, was not be at our company meeting) in the lobby chatting with a small child.

“So I was wondering”, my co-worker said, “did I do something wrong? Should I not have helped the costumer?” The manager praised her for stepping in to help on her night off, and all my co-workers assured her she had in fact done the right thing.

In just a few short minutes she managed to tattle on a co-worker, brag on herself, come off as humble, and get kudos and pats on the back from her peers.

Was she gossiping or was she being a tattletale?

Gossip is an ugly word. But only good and selfless people go out of their way to share prayer requests about other people, right? Surely my co-worker wasn’t trying to make our absent friend look like a slacker, right?

Look, I can’t judge another person’s heart, any more than they can judge mine. I do know, however, that we find all kinds of creative ways to gossip and tell tales about others. It’s human nature to want people to see us in a positive light, and the easiest way to do that is to draw attention to the ugly in somebody else.

So, how many ways are there to gossip? Share your thoughts and experiences.

Get off the pew!

Rhonda Gets A Divorce

Several years ago I sang in the choir with Rhonda. She had an amazing voice, a good heart, and was just as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.

One day Rhonda shocked everyone when she left her husband. She immediately became rich fodder for the gossipmongers. Everyone had an opinion about Rhonda and her husband. People took sides and the battle began.

Rhonda auditioned for a part in a musical at the local community theatre. That’s when the tongue wagging really got out of control. Rhonda was “living in sin” and she was clearly a “girl gone wild”. The choir director kicked her out of the choir and she left the church filled with sadness and loneliness.

A few months later I was home alone when there was a knock at my door. It was Rhonda’s husband. He had no idea I lived in the house. He was a contractor who was going door-to-door leaving flyers in an attempt to solicit business. When he saw me he immediately opened his heart.

“I’m very sad about the way Rhonda’s been treated at the church.” He sounded so genuine. His words surprised me. Wasn’t he the victim? Hadn’t his wife walked out on him?

He continued. “It wasn’t easy being married to me. I moved Rhonda from town to town and state to state every six months or so. I oppressed her and never gave her an opportunity to explore her unique talents. I always made the marriage about me.”

I was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt. I had listened to the gossip and I had participated in the harsh judgmental criticisms. I had assumed that Rhonda was being selfish.

Rhonda’s husband stood before me—he wasn’t playing the victim, but rather he was taking responsibility for the part he played in the destruction of his marriage. The fact that his wife had been the subject of unfair gossip and had been abandoned by her church broke his heart.

I’ve seen Rhonda several times over the years and I always go out of my way to listen—really listen to her words and her heart. She has shared her brokenness, her anger, her disappointment, and her loneliness. She has always thanked me for my kindness.

I saw my friend Rhonda last night. She is doing great. All the people who decided she was a woman scorned and therefore no longer worthy of their love and friendship—they are the losers. They’ve missed out on the friendship of a wonderful woman. They’ve missed out on seeing new growth come out of ashes.

Do you know a “Rhonda”? Yes, God hates divorce, but he loves His kids. I believe that our gossip and judgmental assumptions are responsible for putting the final nail in some of the marital coffins. It’s hard to see a reason to stay married to someone that everyone around you says is a horrible person.

We’ve got to STOP being meddling scandalmongers. If you know a couple whose marriage is falling apart please love them. As difficult as it is, I encourage you to not take sides, but rather to show both of them equal kindness.

Now go…get off the pew!

God Made Me Do It

I got an email this morning from Marc Hartzman, author of the book, “God Made Me Do It”. This is the first I’ve heard of this book, so I can’t comment on the quality of the material, but I can say—it looks very interesting.

I think it takes a great deal of confidence (maybe arrogance) to say, “God told me_____” (fill in the blank). I absolutely know what it means to hear that tiny voice in my heart or my head and to know I’ve heard the voice of God. But, I’m very careful about with whom I share.

In fact, I won’t even let myself fully embrace “the voice” until I’ve prayed about it, made sure the words lines up with the Bible, and I’ve talked about it with a trusted Christian mentor. I’ve never been given a prophesy detailing what someone else is supposed to do, although the Holy Spirit has given me profound wisdom and knowledge to help me deal with certain others in my life.

I wrote a post several months ago called, "Truth and Prophecy". It was written a few months before Oral Roberts passed away. In the post I recounted Reverend Roberts encounter with the 900 foot tall Jesus, and other prophecies. He was famous for his "God told me" statements.

Marc’s email reminded me of a story told several years ago by the Worship Pastor of a large church. He said he was in the hallway one Sunday morning and a parishioner stopped him and said, “God told me that if I saw you this morning I was to share this with you. I feel that we are wrongly leaving the old hymns behind. God wants you to sing more hymns during our worship time.”

The music leader said he thanked the woman for her comment and encouragement and he continued on his way through the hall to his office. Just as he unlocked the door, another church member approached him.

“I prayed about something this morning, and I knew that if I saw you, I was to share this.” The pastor’s ears perked up and he was listening. Maybe this was confirmation from the Lord about the hymns. Okay. The man went on, “God wants us sing more modern worship songs. He’s trying to reach more seekers.”

Wow! What does God want? Hymns or hip and new worship songs?

First of all, just hang out in the hall for a few minutes, and the music pastor will eventually make his way into your path. Therefore, claiming that God only wanted you to share your prophecy if you “saw” the pastor sounds a little fishy. You’re gonna see the worship leader in the hall on Sunday morning!

Secondly, we need to be very careful that we aren’t using God to carry out our own personal agenda. What’s wrong with saying, “Hey Pastor, I really love the old hymns, and I’d like to sing more of them on Sunday morning”? Or, “the new worship songs are just awesome. Let’s sing more of those!”

Get off the pew and be more discerning. I have no doubt that God uses that still small voice to stir my heart. Sometimes the words are loud and strong. “Hey! Get off the pew!"

Seasons

She was the church gossip. You know the kind—she’s usually on the church staff, or married to the youth pastor or sound guy. She doesn’t actually gossip, but she shares “prayer requests”.

“Please pray for Kathy. You know her husband is having an affair.” “Join me in praying for the Johnson family. Their kids are out of control.” People called her “sensitive” to the needs of others. Oh brother! Karin was the Queen of Gossiptown!

The busybody was quick to pigeonhole people. She made swift and ugly assumptions about innocent parishioners. She’d overhear a portion of a sentence, or a snippet of conversation and she’d identify in the speaker the weakest of character traits, and focus on it and it alone.

Karin told me I was a “control freak” because I expressed a simple opinion. She characterized church attendees as “weak”, “sluts”, or “home wreckers”. Very often she had only the smallest sliver of a fact or rumor on which to build her opinions.

When Karin moved to another state, a friend of mine called her “dog poop on the shoes of our town”. It was time to wipe her memory from the soles of our feet. Her gossip literally ruined lives.

I recently received a Facebook friend request from Karin. The social networking site has linked people that might never have reason or opportunity to connect otherwise. Last week she posted as her status update something that caught my eye. “You cannot judge a tree or a person by only one season. Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.”

It has been several years since I spent any real time with Karin. I’m going to take her advice. I am choosing to not judge her by what might have been a season of gossip. Perhaps she’s trying to do better. She may, in fact, be working on her propensity to make rash judgments and assumptions.

Here’s to new seasons! Here’s to new joy!

Boycotts

Christians love to boycott! We march outside abortion clinics and adult bookstores. We carry picket signs and deliver passionate speeches on street corners in hopes of swaying voters. We boycott products and companies, movies and television shows. Back in the day we would send passionate letters and flyers to pastors and church deacon boards in hopes that they would warn their parishioners about reading a particular book, voting for a distrusted candidate, buying an ill thought of product, or seeing a morally bankrupt movie. Today we’ve got tools like email, Facebook, cell phones, and Twitter to get our message out to the masses in a nanosecond.

For years Christians have been encouraged to boycott anything Disney because, “Few companies have demonstrated as much of a callous disregard towards the concerns of Christians as Disney has” – this according to a “how to boycott Disney” website. The belief is that Disney promotes the homosexual lifestyle. In 1989 a woman named, Terry Rakolta led a boycott against the then fairly new television show, “Married With Children” after viewing an episode that oozed sexual innuendo (didn’t they all). She started a letter writing campaign urging advertisers to drop their support of the show. Ironically, it was her boycott that made more viewers aware of the floundering show and the ratings soured. In fact, “Married With Children” enjoyed high ratings from then on and was kept on the air until 1997. So then, the boycott was a bust? Yeah, I’d say so.

Listen, boycotts are not bad things. I often say that bad things must happen to good people so that good people will rise up and effect change. A boycott will often shine the light of truth on a particularly unjust situation or law. I love a quote from Jonathan Acuff from his blog, “Stuff Christians Like”. #149 addresses boycotting stuff and he points out that he’s not completely against boycotts. “I would rather have a well done boycott spread light on a real issue,” says Mr. Acuff, “than have hatemongers wearing Christian masks be the only thing the world sees when it comes to a boycott.” He’s right. The world tends to see us as hatemongers wearing Christian masks.

I submit to you that we ought to shine a brighter light on some of the junk that goes on behind the church doors. Let’s use our sign making skills to boycott gossip, judgment, divorce among Christians, name calling, and wars about what kind of worship songs we should be singing! It’s not a bad thing that we want to clean up our neighborhoods and cities, but our own house is a mess!

Get off the Pew and speak up! Speak up when the church busybody talks smack about the couple going through a rough time. Speak up when a high school student chatters on about the Sunday School “slut”. Speak up when the pastor preaches something that you believe is in opposition to the inerrant word of God. Speak up when the televangelist begs and cries for money then goes home to his multi-million dollar house on a hill. Speak up when the family with the incarcerated son is kicked out of church, or the single woman is told she must quit the choir because someone saw her at a bar! When we present a clean and orderly house, the visitors will be drawn to us, and ultimately to God Himself.

Get off the Pew, put down the picket signs, and clean up God’s house. Get off the Pew!

There's a speck and a plank!

Marissa and Suzanne had known one another for most of their lives. They met in church when Marissa was still in elementary school. The girls were both a part of the youth choir that included talented kids of all ages. Suzanne was already in high school, so they weren't part of the same social groups, but Marissa loved being around "the big kids".

Life took Marissa and Suzanne in completely different directions. Suzanne got married and spent several years traveling the world with a Christian Music touring group, and Marissa went off to college. After Suzanne's marriage ended in divorce, she returned home and the two girls reconnected. They were both part of the church choir, had the same circle of friends, and discovered just how much they had in common. When finances became tight, it was only natural that the best friends would get an apartment together. They settled into a fairly typical single girl life - work, church, friends, weekends, dating, etc... Then....

Maybe it was the pain of Suzanne's divorce, I don't know, but she really wasn't into the dating scene at all. Marissa, on the other hand, had always dreamed of one day meeting "that guy" and getting married. She thought "Rick" might be that guy, but after about a year the relationship ended and Marissa was heart-broken. Suzanne's friendship carried her through. Finally, Suzanne made a confession - she was in love with Marissa. Marissa didn't know what to do with this information. They were both active in the church and Marissa knew that homosexuality was considered sin. The last thing she wanted to do was to tarnish Suzanne's reputation, so she kept this revelation to herself. Marissa moved out of the apartment the girls shared and she went about trying to move on with her life. It wasn't easy for a 30-something year-old girl to meet guys, but the Internet offered some interesting dating sites, so Marissa put herself out there. She met a guy.

I can't pretend to know what was in Suzanne's heart or mind, but I do know what she did. When she found out that Marissa was dating, she went to the church choir director and told him that Suzanne had met a guy online and she was involved in an inappropriate relationship. The choir director moved quickly. He called Suzanne and kicked her out of the choir and off the worship team for "not living a life above reproach". Marissa swears she hasn't "sinned" with the new boyfriend, but she's not believed. She's forced to leave the choir she'd been a part of for 20 years, and the church she'd been a member of for her whole life. She loses her circle of friends. One of these so-called "friends" sent her a card. When Marissa opened the card she was so touched, as on the outside of the card it said, "Thinking of You". On the inside, however, it had a hand written note that said, "When you decide to start making the right choices, we will welcome you back."

It's been several years and Marissa has never really recovered. She doesn't attend church, and she protects herself from relationships as she still has trust issues. What was Suzanne's motivation for taking gossip and lies to the music pastor? What was the pastor's motivation for removing Marissa without ever taking steps to discover the whole truth? Only they know what they were thinking. I do know that if Suzanne suspected Marissa was in an "inappropriate relationship" she should have followed the Matthew 18 principle for confrontation and reconciliation. I also know that Matthew 7:5 tells us that we are hypocrites when we are more worried about the speck in another person's eye, then the removal of the plank in our own eye.

We need to get off the pew and reach out to friends and family who are “living in sin”, or making “inappropriate choices”. God loves them, and we ought to love them too! If you know someone who’s been kicked out of church or a ministry because of their own bad choices (or suspected bad choices), get off the pew and love on them. Loneliness is a sad place to live, even though it has a crazy large population. In addition, there may be a "Suzanne" sitting in the pew next to you - someone who is hiding a secret. Get off the pew! Reach out!

It's Not Gossip...It's Discernment

It's crazy easy to make big sweeping assumptions about the people closest to us. It's certainly easier to jump to conclusions then to actually communicate. This is a problem, and it's a particularly big problem in the church. Of course we don't call it "assumptions", we are Christians and we speak fluent "Christianese". When we are gossiping with believers about other believers we use spiritual sounding words like "gift of discernment" or (like one friend used to say) "spiritual antenna". My friend used to say, "Whenever I'm around so-and-so, my spiritual antenna goes up", and then she would go on to tell me how she suspected so-and-so of adultery or some other bad behavior. But it's okay because the gossip session always ends with "we need to keep the family in our prayers".

One afternoon, after months of conflict, I was finally able to get a woman who I had considered a dear friend to tell me what I'd done to upset her. She made many accusations, including this one: "One day you were walking towards me in the hallway at church. When you saw me, you turned and walked the other way. I have no choice but to assume you are jealous of me." What? What!!!?? No choice? Assume? Really?

Eliot Spitzer was the governor of New York and he had to step down in disgrace when it was revealed that he was a frequent costumer of a prostitute. The irony was that Governor Spitzer had been a vocal opponent to prostitution and had been trying to shut down illegal sex rings for years. Psychologists came out in droves to explain to John Q. Public that it is human nature to condemn the same flaws in others that we are trying to hide in ourselves. We think that by deflecting attention off of us, we will successfully hide our sins from the world.

Several years ago a much loved local pastor had to leave the pulpit when knowledge of an extra-marital affair came to light. Just a few weeks ago an acquaintance of mine told me that the pastor hadn't changed and was not repentant. I asked her how she knew that. "I just do!" That pastor, however, has become a public speaker who encourages others and helps people find healing and restoration. I am not inside the pastor's head and I can't begin to assume to know his heart. I do see, however, that what Satan meant for evil, God is using for His good and glory.

We don't know what motivates people to say and do the things they say and do. Heck, we don't always know what motivates US! It would serve us, both personally and corporately, if we were quick to communicate and slow to assume. Do you sit in your pew and point out the weaknesses, sins, and foibles all God's kids? We're just like you - sinners saved by grace. Let's stop pointing fingers at each other. Instead, let's give one another a hand of compassion and support. Let's get of the pew of gossip and onto the road of peace and restoration.

Church Cyber-bullies

A friend stopped me at church yesterday to share her frustration and fear. A bit of second hand information reached the ear of one of the church gossips, and she has decided to give my friend a piece of her mind. In today’s world juicy gossip can be spread among friends and enemies alike in a matter of a few nanoseconds, thanks to email, cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, blogs, etc…. A few words sent out into cyber-space can bring giggles and joy, or they can inflict pain and needless suffering. My friend is experiencing the latter and she is being cyber-bullied by a member of the church family!

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center (yes, there is such a place!) cyber-bullying can be identified as, “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” Cyber-bullying has grown to epidemic proportions in the United States. You may remember a Missouri mom who was charged with several felonies when her Myspace Internet hoax resulted in the suicide of a 13-year-old girl. The mom was eventually convicted on several misdemeanors, but that doesn’t change the fact that the grown woman is a cyber-bully whose cruelties lead to the death of a child! When a church bully goes after a fellow parishioner, there is rarely any real consequence because everyone encourages grace. More often than not, the innocent victim leaves the church and the bully wins!

A woman who calls herself a “Christian”, has been posting hateful messages to my friend’s Facebook in-box. The Christian has taken a very pious position and is calling my friend names and has even threatened to go the church leaders to let them know “the truth”. I say, “Bring it on”. Many of us have been bullied by the name-calling and rock-throwing of loud church Pharisees. These stone-throwers are very often masters at manipulating scripture to prove their own misguided point, and they confuse their victim by misusing God’s word. In Matthew, chapter 4 we read that Jesus was tempted by Satan. Satan said in verse 6, "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.' But Jesus also knew scripture and He wasn’t going to allow Satan to twist God’s word to scare Him into doing something that was outside of God’s will for Him. Verse 7 - Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'

Matthew, chapter 18 gives clear instructions on how to handle knowledge of wrong doing (sin) of a fellow believer. We are to first go to the person privately and express our concerns. Then, if there is no resolution, we take someone with us to bear witness to what is being said. If there is still no resolution, we are to go the church, and if the church can’t resolve things – we wipe their dust from our feet and move on.

My friend is being accused of something that NEVER HAPPENED!! Gossip is a TERRIBLE thing and it eats through people and churches like piranha on a gold fish! So, the gossip wants to “reveal” my friend to the church leaders? Bring it on! If, however, my friend can convince the church piranha to follow the instructions of Matthew, chapter 18, then she will have won a friend and spared others from suffering the same kind of stoning. Get off the pew and put an end to church gossip and spiritual piranhas! Come on people…Get off the pew!