Grace is NOT an Excuse!

I never cease to be truly shocked and saddened by the way believers treat one another. We say cruel things, we make rotten choices, and we gossip about and judge our brothers and sisters more harshly then any 12 men on a jury ever could. It is my belief that we forgive these infractions because "grace" dictates we do so. We study bumper sticker theology and we believe such truths as, "forgiven, not perfect". If we complain about mistreatment by a fellow parishioner, we are admonished to "show grace".

Christians are not expected to be perfect. We are, however, expected to always be in pursuit of holiness. We are expected (and rightfully so) to be Christ followers who are doing our best to be Christ LIKE. John 13:31-35 gives us wisdom as to how others will know we are Christians. They will know not by our actions, not by how much money we give to the poor, and certainly not by the size of the mega church we build or attend. But rather, they will know us by how we love each other. Read it from God's word; "When he was gone, Jesus said, 'Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him,[c] God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once. My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.'"

"Forgiven, not perfect" people like us should not be given a free pass to behave badly. Showing grace to our brothers and sisters does NOT mean that we turn a blind eye to sin, or even just plain meanness! I have seen example after example of Christians who say and do the most horrible things, but it is so often the one who calls attention to the bad behavior who gets the boot. The "whistle-blower" is seen as "intolerant" and "lacking grace".

Get off the pew and LOVE ONE ANOTHER! Holding one another accountable is not a sign that we cannot show grace, but rather it is the most loving and graceful thing you can do for someone we love. Telling the truth in love is what we are admonished to do. Ephesians 4:15 (New International Version) "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." Get off the pew and do not be afraid to speak truth in love!

Truth and Prophecy

In January of 1987, Oral Roberts preached a sermon in which he claimed that he would die by March if he did not raise $8 million dollars. Interestingly, his prophecy had been tweaked a bit. He had said in 1986 that God showed him that he would be dead by the end of that year if he did not raise the money.

When the money didn't come and Oral Roberts didn't die, the prophecy changed. I don't remember if the faithful donated all the money, but I do know that Oral Roberts is, as of today, 91 years old and living in Newport Beach, California.

The "death" vision was just one of several revelations by Reverend Roberts. In 1977 he claimed to have seen a 900 foot-tall Jesus who told him to build his City of Faith Medical and Research Center. I wasn't there, so I certainly cannot speak to the validity of the visions, but I can say that it is no wonder that unbelievers are so skeptical about these prophecies

It doesn't do the cause of Christ any favors to use grandstanding and fear tactics as manipulation tools with which to garner money from trusting followers.

You know, nothing pleases satan more than to keep raising doubts about God's existence in the minds and hearts of the unbeliever. One of satan's best tools is the Christian zealot, who (let's be honest) can come across as kind of crazy!

My cousin has given me a number of God-told-me-to-tell-you visions and prophecies. I love God and I want to hear from Him, so I'm always open to hearing His voice. If He chooses to speak to me through my cousin, I'm willing to listen. So, far, I am confident that God has quickly debunked everything my cousin has insisted is truth. In fact, some of her "visions" have been downright nutty.

God's ways are always orderly, with purpose, and never crazy. Get off the pew and weigh carefully what you say. Are your "visions" self motivated, or are they REALLY spirit guided? If they are God inspired, they will always be true and selfless.

Before you share that which you believe the Spirit has shown you, check it out with The Word, with trusted mentors, and bathe your words in prayer before you share them. Then, do it all again until you are sure! Get off the pew and be seekers of truth IN love! Get off the pew!

Integrity in Business

I am a committed Christ follower. I'm far from perfect, but I desire to be more like Jesus everyday. I absolutely love being around other believers, and I especially love being around transparent and "real" Christians. Confession: I will not do business with a company just because they prominently display the Christian fish on their logo or business cards. I also know many companies who are VERY hesitant to offer their services to a church or ministry because churches often expect a discount, or for the services to be donated. On the other hand, I'm personally acquainted with lots of people who will only work with someone they know to be a Christian. Their reasons are varied - everything from wanting to support a Christian venture, to desiring to work with friends, to a distrust of non-Christians. This post isn't about discouraging people from working with Christians, but rather to ENCOURAGE transparent honesty and integrity in and through your business.

My friend's elderly parents hired a Christian friend and contractor to remodel their vacation home. Three years later, the project that should have taken 9 months was still not done and the contractor was charging the elderly couple by the hour! But he was "a friend" and a believer. The contractor was taking advantage of a friendship and a shared faith. The project was eventually completed, but it went WAY over budget, and the elderly couple will likely never recoup their investment in their lifetime.

A co-worker shared with me the other day that she was struggling with how to help her parents. She had just learned that they had paid a friend and church member a great deal of money to perform a service for them and he had yet to deliver on his end of the contract. Mom and Dad had no idea what to do, as they believed they should not take the fellow believer to court. The contract they had with the gentleman consisted of little more than a handshake.

Many years ago a family member worked for a Christian run company. There were many weeks when the paycheck was late or didn't come at all. My family member would frequently have to ask the boss whether or not he could actually expect a paycheck on payday. It seems unconscionable to me that a professing Christian would run a business that way. Leviticus 19:13 says, " 'Do not defraud your neighbor or rob him. " 'Do not hold back the wages of a hired man overnight." Withholding wages that have been earned is the same as defrauding and stealing from them! When the paycheck didn't come and the employees asked for their money, they were told they didn't have "enough faith". All the employees of this small company were even required to watch training videos which taught them the importance of tithing. Now, I'm certainly not discouraging tithing, but for a boss that wasn't paying his employees, that seems a bit hypocritical!

Come on Christian business owners and leaders - get off the pew and set an example of integrity and honesty for your community! Costumers should be drawn to us, not because of the fish printed on our Yellow Pages ad, or emblazoned on our business sign or letterhead, but rather because of our integrity. Get off the pew!

Affirm and Defend

In 2nd Samuel, chapter 13 we read the tragic story of David's daughter, Tamar. Tamar was a beautiful young girl with many brothers. One of her brothers, Amnon, fell in love with Tamar. The Bible says that Amnon was "frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her." A friend of his suggested that he pretend to be sick and then ask for Tamar to bring him bread and care for him. Amnon did exactly that, and when his sister was close to him and tenderly caring for him, he grabbed her and raped her. Tamar begged him to not do this "wicked" thing, but Amnon defiled his sister.

After the rape, Amnon looked at Tamar who was lying next to him and the Bible said he "hated" her. Wow! Amnon had allowed the sexual fantasy to take over his thought life to the point that his thoughts finally gave way to action. But as is so often the case, the very thing he thought he wanted, became the very thing he scorned. A guilty heart grows a hateful forest! Amnon pushed Tamar out of his bed and told his servants to bolt the door so he would never have to look at her again. Tamar had been wearing the ornamented robe worn by the virgin daughters of the king. When she left Amnon's room, she tore the robe, put ashes on her forehead, and ran weeping through the halls. Her brother, Absalom saw her and said, (vs. 20)"Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." The verse ends with these tragic words, "and Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman." And we never hear from Tamar again.

Sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is to quietly sweep sin under the rug. We hear of abuse, or neglect, and we turn a blind eye. This happens all the time in society, and just as often in church families. We don't want to make waves, or perhaps we are hesitant to ruin the reputation of a church deacon, teacher, or pastor, so we ignore the weeping woman running through the halls. We tell the offended to "be quiet now". Of course abuse doesn't have to be in the form of sexual battery to be abuse. Gossip, lying, stealing, and manipulation are all offenses that are too often kept quiet, but the victims of these sins are still victims. Tamar's pain was never affirmed, and no one came to her defense, and so she lived the rest of her days a "desolate woman".

I know a young man who was sexually assaulted by a Sunday school leader. For a period of time the incident was ignored and swept under the rug. The young man suffered in silence. Then one day a courageous pastor affirmed the young man's pain and promised to defend him, even if it meant personal loss to the pastor. There was public scrutiny and eventually a trial. The offender went to prison, and today the young man is emotionally healthy and serving the Lord. He had someone who affirmed his pain, and came to his defense. Without the brave pastor who walked with him, that young man might today be living in desolation.

Get off the pew and defend someone today! If you see an innocent person in your congregation who has been the victim of an assault of any kind - whether it is physical or emotional - be brave enough to affirm their sadness, and then defend them if necessary. Do you know a "Tamar" - someone whose pain has been hushed in order to save the reputation of her abuser? Run to her (or him) today! Get off the pew mighty defender!

Serving God - Mom's way or no way!

When I was about 15 I met a boy I'll call Timothy. Timothy was a bit of a wild child, but I adored him. It didn't hurt that he was really cute. Timothy was the youngest child in a very conservative Christian family. His dad was a pastor and his mom was a well-respected writer and speaker. It does seem to be a true fact that preacher's kids are the most rebellious, and Timothy was definitely one those p.k.'s.

Timothy's mom seemed to take a particular liking to me. I don't know what it was, but I'm pretty sure she had it her mind that I was wife material for Timothy. I spent a lot of time with the family - lunches, picnics, nights out on the town, etc... I was only 15, but I knew I was being groomed by Timothy's mom to be her son's wife. Timothy, however, was not interested in me beyond friendship. But, that friendship was incredibly special and I am grateful that it has endured for over thirty years. He's never been far from my heart, even though years and years would pass between visits. You see for such a long time, Timothy was off, as they say, living "in the world".

Over the years I would run into Timothy's mom on occasion. Even though we attended different churches, there was always the potluck here, or the retreat there, that would give opportunity for our path's to cross. After the warm greeting I would ask, "How's Timothy". I always got the same response - "Timothy is Timothy". Mom would then spend the next few minutes filling me in on the latest mistakes being made by her prodigal son.

A few months ago Timothy called me. It had been years and years since I'd heard his voice, and my heart warmed immediately. My friend! We talked for an hour, and then agreed to meet for coffee. After bragging a bit about our children and our families, he told me about his rocky road from good Christian kid, to rebellious teen, to prodigal son, and finally to the humble and grateful man of God that he is today. I was AMAZED at the work God had done in this man's life. I cried as I heard him tell of his love for his family, and his hope for reunion with a lost daughter. Then I asked the question, "How thrilled is your mom that you are now a Christian?" His answer broke my heart. "Mom is angry I'm not a part of the same church denomination as her!"

"The Church" is a body of believers - at least that's what the Bible tells us. The word “church” comes from the Greek word ekklesia, which is defined as “an assembly” or “called-out ones.” The root meaning of “church” is not that of a building, but of people. The church is the body of Christ, and Christ is the head of that body. Ephesians 1:22-23 says, “And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” The body of Christ is made up of all believers in Jesus Christ from the day of Pentecost (Acts chapter 2) until Christ’s return. If you are spending time and energy whining about a member of your family or circle of friends because they are going to the "wrong" church, then get off the pew and rejoice that we are ALL part of the same body. There are no walls! That is a super cool truth! Now, I know there are cults, and I'm not suggesting that they are part of "the church". I'm talking here about all Bible teaching, God fearing, Jesus loving bodies of believers. There are some minor doctrinal teachings that separate the denominations, but we are ONE BODY! Let's get off the pew and celebrate our unity.

To Timothy's mom...you're son is awesome, and I am so proud of him. His story of rebellion and salvation encourages me!

Promises made...Promises broken

I've written before about the church's practice of parent/child dedications. These ceremonies are the stuff of which precious moments and just plain cuteness are made. Mom and Dad (and very often other family members) carry the baby up on the church platform. The pastor holds the oft-sleeping little one in his arms, and he prays for God's blessings on the child and on the family. The entire congregation is asked to support the parents in the raising of the child with their love, support, and prayers. The church family extends their arms toward the family in a symbolic laying on of the hands.

The other day I talked with yet another mom of not one, but two prodigal children. Her youngest son has been in jail for several months, and last week, her oldest son was arrested. I am once again struck by the overwhelming sense of loneliness felt by the parents of prodigals. It is a long, lonely road from the joyful and hopeful parent/child dedication to the cold, sterile walls of the county jail. Moms, in particular, carry so much guilt and feelings of responsibility for the way their kids turn out. "O" Magazine recently published an article by Susan Klebold, the mom whose son, Dylan, was one of the young men who carried out the student massacre at Columbine High School near Denver, Colorado. Susan has spent the past 10 years searching for peace, for solace, and for answers. She has expressed her apology for what her son (along with fellow student Eric Harris) did. She has written letters to the parents who lost children on that horrible day in 1999, but her therapist advised her against sending them because they would open and tear at wounds that will never fully heal. Some of the still grieving parents were interviewed and asked if they accepted Susan Klebold's apology. One father said, "It is too little too late. She should have apologized sooner." One father, however, said the apology was welcomed. Susan, it seems to me was the best mother she could have been. Her son (like most prodigals) was very good at hiding his dark thoughts from his mom. Why are we so quick to blame her for her son's sins? God is the perfect father, and His kids are a mess!

Susan Klebold lost her son on that horrific day at Columbine High School. Her grief is just as real and crushing as that of the other mothers and fathers. The families of the innocent victims have been covered in prayer and love since the moment the frightening live footage began streaming across our television screens. The families of the killers have been judged, criticized, questioned, and suspected. She was forever changed that day. "Dylan changed everything I believed about myself, about God, about family, and about love", Susan said. What happened to that beautiful little boy between the day he was dedicated and the day he trapped his schoolmates in the high school library? Remember all the people who raised their hands and promised to pray for that sweet little baby and help guide him into adulthood? Did they forget about their commitment to God and to that family? Babies and their families are dedicated nearly every Sunday in our church. Get off the pew, church. Even after the cuteness wears off, those babies you promised to pray for and help guide are still God's babies, and He's asked us to walk alongside one another. Reach out to a prodigal today. Get off the pew, church!!

There's a speck and a plank!

Marissa and Suzanne had known one another for most of their lives. They met in church when Marissa was still in elementary school. The girls were both a part of the youth choir that included talented kids of all ages. Suzanne was already in high school, so they weren't part of the same social groups, but Marissa loved being around "the big kids".

Life took Marissa and Suzanne in completely different directions. Suzanne got married and spent several years traveling the world with a Christian Music touring group, and Marissa went off to college. After Suzanne's marriage ended in divorce, she returned home and the two girls reconnected. They were both part of the church choir, had the same circle of friends, and discovered just how much they had in common. When finances became tight, it was only natural that the best friends would get an apartment together. They settled into a fairly typical single girl life - work, church, friends, weekends, dating, etc... Then....

Maybe it was the pain of Suzanne's divorce, I don't know, but she really wasn't into the dating scene at all. Marissa, on the other hand, had always dreamed of one day meeting "that guy" and getting married. She thought "Rick" might be that guy, but after about a year the relationship ended and Marissa was heart-broken. Suzanne's friendship carried her through. Finally, Suzanne made a confession - she was in love with Marissa. Marissa didn't know what to do with this information. They were both active in the church and Marissa knew that homosexuality was considered sin. The last thing she wanted to do was to tarnish Suzanne's reputation, so she kept this revelation to herself. Marissa moved out of the apartment the girls shared and she went about trying to move on with her life. It wasn't easy for a 30-something year-old girl to meet guys, but the Internet offered some interesting dating sites, so Marissa put herself out there. She met a guy.

I can't pretend to know what was in Suzanne's heart or mind, but I do know what she did. When she found out that Marissa was dating, she went to the church choir director and told him that Suzanne had met a guy online and she was involved in an inappropriate relationship. The choir director moved quickly. He called Suzanne and kicked her out of the choir and off the worship team for "not living a life above reproach". Marissa swears she hasn't "sinned" with the new boyfriend, but she's not believed. She's forced to leave the choir she'd been a part of for 20 years, and the church she'd been a member of for her whole life. She loses her circle of friends. One of these so-called "friends" sent her a card. When Marissa opened the card she was so touched, as on the outside of the card it said, "Thinking of You". On the inside, however, it had a hand written note that said, "When you decide to start making the right choices, we will welcome you back."

It's been several years and Marissa has never really recovered. She doesn't attend church, and she protects herself from relationships as she still has trust issues. What was Suzanne's motivation for taking gossip and lies to the music pastor? What was the pastor's motivation for removing Marissa without ever taking steps to discover the whole truth? Only they know what they were thinking. I do know that if Suzanne suspected Marissa was in an "inappropriate relationship" she should have followed the Matthew 18 principle for confrontation and reconciliation. I also know that Matthew 7:5 tells us that we are hypocrites when we are more worried about the speck in another person's eye, then the removal of the plank in our own eye.

We need to get off the pew and reach out to friends and family who are “living in sin”, or making “inappropriate choices”. God loves them, and we ought to love them too! If you know someone who’s been kicked out of church or a ministry because of their own bad choices (or suspected bad choices), get off the pew and love on them. Loneliness is a sad place to live, even though it has a crazy large population. In addition, there may be a "Suzanne" sitting in the pew next to you - someone who is hiding a secret. Get off the pew! Reach out!

Ministry Servants

We live in a scary economic time and no one wants to lose their job. Unemployment can be especially frightening for people that are over the age of 50, as ageism is a very real fact in America today. So, people are willing to do almost anything to hold on to a job. Employees are working late nights and weekends with no financial compensation, and they are taking extra measures to keep their emotions and feelings in check so as not to make waves. Fear and intimidation are powerful tools.

Over the past few weeks I have become increasingly aware of just how negative the workplace environment can be for church employees. Because Pastors have the right to fire employees with little provocation and can decide to move in a "new direction" on a whim and at the drop of a hat, being a part of the church staff can be very oppressive. I've met a number of church employees who have said, "I don't dare express my dissatisfaction for fear it will get me fired." We're not talking about spiritual or Biblical debates here, but rather we're talking about an overworked, underpaid, and under-appreciated staff. Pastors love to tell their staff members that they are not just "employees", but they are co-workers in "the ministry", and as such they should be willing to make whatever sacrifice is needed for success. If employees are not willing to give it "their all", then they need to find another job!

Our "ministry" is our life. Every aspect of our life - our job, our children, our family, our friendships, and even our grocery shopping outings - everything about our lives ought to minister to those with whom we come in contact. The Bible is riddled with instructions for employers. They are definitely held to a high standard in God's eye. One example is Ephesians 6:9; "And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him". I am not suggesting that you pastors out there are threatening your employees. But if they are working in an environment of fear and oppression then they may feel threatened. If you have told your staff that they need to give selflessly and without fair compensation "for the good of the ministry" then you are may be taking unfair advantage of your employees.

Come on Pastors, get of the pew and be an example to the world. Most of you have families, and you go home to them - as you should. If you're not willing to work seven days a week and twenty-four hours a day for the ministry, then you really ought not expect that from your staff. Their ministries expand to their families and friends and they need to go home.

You're Fired!

You know...a pastor is the only boss, and the church is the only type of company wherein an employee can legally be fired with no provocation and solely on the whim of the pastor. Because the church is a non-profit organization, they are not bound by laws that protect the employees, and those same laws protect the church from lawsuits that challenge often unfair business practices. Pastors are even better than mothers when it comes to using the phrase, "because I said so!"

We, however, are not unlike a four-year-old whose mommy can't find a good reason for the decisions they make. I, and so many people I know, have sat across the desk from a pastor and with tears in our eyes, and a quiver in our voice we've uttered the words, "but why?" "Because I said so!" Those four words break hearts and change lives. We understand budget constraints. We understand the consequences that come with breaking the rules put forth in the company bylaws. There are many legitimate reasons for firings...and we understand those. But "because I said so!"? Those words are hard to hear - especially when it means losing the job you love, the friends you work with everyday, and the paycheck your family relies on. Sadly, those words also lead to negative views of the church, Christians, and so often - God Himself.

The Ten Commandments can seem like a laundry list of "do"s and "don't"s, but the Bible then goes on to tell story after story after story that all answer the question, "but why?" We see, by peering into the lives of those who have come before us, why God has set up the laws of love in the way that He has. Come on pastors, get off the pew! Just because you have "the right" to use the words, "because I said so" doesn't mean that using those words is the right thing to do. We are not four-year-old children! We are men and women who deserve to be treated with respect. The tireless hours, months, and years of service we give to your ministry deserves better than "your fired because I said so". The way you (we) treat our employees and servants is being watched by unbelievers who are looking for a reason to trust us. The world is looking to us to answer the question, "what would Jesus do?" Jesus walked the earth for 33 years demonstrating how to treat people and how important it is to answer the questions, "who?, what?, when?, where?, how?, AND why?" Get off the pew!

What is our Business Model?

Every year Willow Creek ministries, which operates out of the Chicago, IL area, sponsors something called, "The Leadership Conference". This is an incredible 3 day event that happens in Mid-August each year and is simulcast all over the country (and other parts of the world as well). The Leadership Conference is an amazing time of challenging inspiration. Leaders share their visions, their successes, and their failures, so that church and community leaders might learn. Church leaders have been attending this impressive event every Summer for many years.

A few years ago, a large contingency of Spiritual leaders decided to no longer attend the Willow Creek event because they were offended by the non-christian business leaders that had been asked to speak. Apparently they didn't see the value in learning from the unsaved. We can be so arrogant!

Jennifer has been on staff at a church for a year and a half. She was hired to assist the part-time music pastor and as part of her duties she created the screen media for each of the Sunday services. She created the files which projected the words of the worship tunes up on the screens as well as the pastor's notes, and she chose the creative backgrounds as well. She's very good at what she does and her talent and intuition is appreciated by staff and parishioners alike. She is, in fact, so good at what she does, that she has been asked to create the screen media for all services held at the church in the past year and a half - Christmas Eve, Woman's Ministry events, Men's breakfasts, etc...

Six months ago a new Senior Pastor was hired and he immediately added services and responsibilities to Jennifer's plate. Jennifer's hours doubled, but her pay remained the same. She was becoming exhausted and overwhelmed. In the "real world", large successful companies would never get away with making these kinds of demands on their employees, but this is church. Sometimes it seems that we translate "heart for ministry" to "slave labor".

Last week Jennifer went in to talk with her boss. She brought with her a list of ideas - ways they could simplify and streamline, and ways to be a bit more efficient. Her boss listened and wrote down all her ideas and seemed to be sympathetic to Jennifer's exhaustive plight.

After listening and making notes, he looked at Jennifer and said, "The pastor has decided to move in a different direction and you are being fired."

Jennifer loves her job and was excited about the new pastor and the new direction he will be taking the church. She was really looking forward to being a small part of this new adventure. This is not the way you treat faithful, honest, gifted employees.

"The world" doesn't treat employees this way and it is no wonder that the Willow Creek team invites un-churched world business leaders to teach the church. But shouldn't it be the other way around? The church should be setting the standard and the business model for the world. After all, Jesus himself is our teacher and role model.

It is often said that if churches were run like businesses they would be so much more successful. Get off the pew people. We need to stop running our good people ragged, then discarding them when we decide to go in a new direction. Anyone who is willing to work twice the hours she's been contracted to work for the good of the ministry, is someone who is willing to move and grow in a new direction.

Jennifer has the talent, the motivation, the drive, AND the heart for service and ministry. This is another example of a good person being used, worn out, then thrown away and unnecessarily wounded. Get off the pew Church! We should be setting the standard--the business model. Get off the pew.