When Did I Stop Believing?

When did this happen?

When was it, exactly, that I woke up and realized I could no longer defend "The Church"?

I was raised in a family that went to church every single weekend and at least once during the week. Mom played the piano and Dad operated the soundboard (when he wasn't napping during the sermon). My siblings and I sang, read scripture, and even served as greeters.

As I grew, I began to see and recognize The Church had its flaws. My childhood minister had an affair with the head deacon's wife and they eventually married. Come to think of it - most of my early spiritual leaders were a bit more randy then my naive pre-teen self could ever have imagined. The Church was not immune to scandal and gossip.

Even with its faults, I saw the good and gave grace to the bad. I bought into the bumper sticker mentality that said, Not Perfect, Just Forgiven. I praised the virtues of an almighty God who was powerful enough to create the entire world and everything in it, yet gentle and personal enough to love little ol' me and live in my imperfect heart.

And then - and I don't know exactly when it was - I stopped making excuses for The Church. We are messed up. We don't need to put stickers on the shiny bumper of our brand new SUVs. The whole universe knows we're not perfect. They also believe us to be Pharisaical hypocrites, judgmental bigots, critical homophobes, and crazy loons. 

Do they have a case? Are we those things?

I love The Father. He has rescued my family and me from unimaginable chaos. He delivered us from the prison of a gravely dysfunctional church body.

We've been called to be salt and light. But too much salt kills the flavor and drowns the uniqueness of the very food it's supposed to enhance. So often, I think that's what we think our job is - to smother anyone who believes differently and who acts in opposition to our haughty perceived perfection. 

We've got to knock that crap off!

I'll keep searching for the good, and speaking out against the bad. The Church is broken and I'm not gonna fix it all by myself. I can, however, be salt and light to a world searching and to a church hurting.

Today I choose to get off the pew!

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Today's post is from guest blogger, Liz Stoeckel. This is being reposted with the author's permission.

I love, love the film “You’ve Got Mail”. I bet I’ve seen it 20 times! At one point Kathleen Kelly writes to her chat room buddy, NY152, “So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?” I’ve got the opposite issue. So much of the fiction I read reminds me of frightening experiences I’ve actually lived through.

People read books and think, “that doesn’t happen in real life”. I’m here to tell you—yes it does!

I’ve read every one of Nicholas Sparks’ romance laden, tear jerkin’, heart breakin’ novels. Hey, don’t judge me. He rocks. But Sparks’ latest book, “Safe Haven”, is messin’ me up! I’ve lived parts of this story!

The book is about the mysterious and beautiful Katie who appears in a small North Carolina town. Alex is a young widower with two small children. He immediately takes a liking to Miss Katie.

Katie’s past is slowly revealed, and her fictional drama is reminding me of my real-life chronicles. She ran away from her abusive husband. Not only did he hit her and attempt to control her every move, he also used Bible scripture to justify himself.

My ex-husband used the Bible to legitimize his bizarre antics. He wouldn’t go to the grocery story with me because “God hadn’t released” him. He spent hours in front of the television watching Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker because “God directed” him through their show, Praise The Lord. He stayed home and cast demons out of my closet while I was at work, then threw me up against a wall in an attempt to exorcise the devil out of me.

One evening we went to marriage counseling at the home of one of the pastors from our church. We got to the small apartment in Clovis before the pastor and his wife had a chance to get home from the Sunday night service. We sat on the patch of grass in front of the complex—my baby son asleep in my arms.

While we waited there on that muggy summer evening, Terry read scriptures to me. Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife, Proverbs 21:9 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord, Ephesians 5:22. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord, Colossians 3:18. And on and on.

That counseling session did not go as Terry expected. The pastor directed all counsel at my then-husband. He was not being a Godly leader—he wasn’t working and providing for his family, he couldn’t be called the Spiritual head of the home, and he was ignoring the Bible’s instructions to love your wives and do not be harsh to them. (Colossians 3:19)

At the end of our time together that evening, the counselor instructed me to not “use” any of the things said that evening against Terry. In other words, I was not to say, “I told you so!”

On the way home I asked if we could stop for a Sprite soda. Terry went ballistic, saying things like, “The pastor told you not to use his words to get what you want. I suppose you think you can ask me for anything now.” I remember being so terrified that night.

He eventually left Dallas and me at our apartment and he disappeared. I didn’t see him until the next day. Such ugliness.

My former husband has not been the only “Christian” to use the Bible as a weapon of mass destruction. I think I’ve accepted some of the abuse because I sincerely want to “hear” God and honor Him. People often use God as a hammer to beat people into submission.

I’ve written about the associate pastor who told me I was “on a dangerous path” because I asked “Why?” His boss had removed me from a leadership position that I loved and was good at. When I asked why, I was told, “Because I’m in charge.” Don’t ask questions…submit to the will and way of the leader—the man. These could’ve been the instructions of cult leaders like David Koresh or Jim Jones!

It’s not just men who are spiritual bullies – women do it too. Oh, our ways are subtler, but no less wrong. We gossip and call it a “prayer request”. We manipulate and claim to have “heard God” tell us truths He won’t tell you. 

Sunday at church the pastor challenged us. John the Baptist said, “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.” But Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is here, repent.” In other words, come have a relationship with me and hopefully that relationship leads to change. Real heart reformation rarely happens in the finger pointing, name calling, judgment-rendering call to “REPENT!” (Cue echo sound effect)

I grew up in a very legalistic and spiritually oppressive environment. I grew up believing that it was way more important to act religious than to know Jesus and actually have him as a friend. When I was young I was terrified of breaking the rules because God’s wrath would send me straight to hell.

As a young adult I went to the same kind of legalistic, fire and brimstone “do this” “don’t do that” kind of church. It was what was familiar. If I could change one thing about my past, I’d change what my kids learned about religion when they were little. I hope they one day see a clear picture of who Jesus really is—not the spiritual bully they grew up seeing in others.

Home churches are on the rise today. A friend told me the other day she chooses to forego the traditional church because everyone in the home church has “issues just like me”. It would be more honest to say that people at the home church ADMIT to having issues far more readily than the traditionalists, with their “Repent Now!” mantra.

To the bullies I say, no, I am not “too weak”! I’m the strongest person you’ll ever meet and I’ve survived things most people only read about in novels. No, God did not “tell” you some mean, oppressively religious thing about me. We talk everyday and HE thinks I’m awesome. And no, just because you’re a pastor does not mean you can manipulate and twist my words in order to prove I’m something I’m not. No!!

(You can find more from Liz Stoeckel at lizbydesign.blogspot.com)

Waitin' to be discovered!

Doin' Church With An Atheist

I just finished reading Jim & Casper Go To Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper *. It’s a fabulous book that really should be read by every church leader and Christ follower out there.

I wonder, are you brave enough to look at yourself and your church through the eyes of an unbeliever?

Long-time Christian, Jim Henderson noted that most Christians have been immersed in The Church culture for so long, that we have no idea how non-Christians perceive us and the ritual we call “doing church”. So, Jim hired an atheist named Matt Casper to travel with him to 12 diverse churches and then give his honest assessment and opinions about what he saw and heard. The book details their adventure.

Matt Casper, like most atheists I know, is kind, caring, and uber smart. He asks a question we should all be asking ourselves; “Is this what Jesus told you guys to do?”

Jim and Casper visit the big and bold (Willow Creek, Saddleback, and Lakewood), and some small and scrappy churches like, a house church in San Diego and “The Bridge” in Portland, Oregon. It doesn’t surprise me to learn that the mega-churches and their mall-like campuses are a bit of a turn-off to guys like Casper.

Casper makes some worthy observations. On music: (The Saddleback band) “The music is too contrived, too slick, too professional, really. I see the entertainment value, but when it comes to music, I like it pure. Too much polish and you lose the heartfelt power, you lose the soul of the music, and you’re not gonna move anyone.”

On visual effects: (The Dream Center in Los Angeles, CA) “Is that what Jesus told you guys to do? Put on a Christian rock show that’s visually and sonically indistinguishable from a non-Christian rock show, change the words, and call it church? Is that pulled from the Bible?”

Joel Osteen is big on the “name it and claim it” religious philosophy, and his vague style of preaching did not appeal to Casper at all. When Osteen’s wife, Victoria cried during the offering call (and a camera close-up revealed her make-up didn’t run), Casper was livid. Victoria manipulatively nudged troubled parishioners to give when she said, “God, through your faithfulness to him, will turn things around.” This implies that if bad things happen to us, it’s our fault for not giving enough to God.

Listen, Matt Casper isn’t the only one that gets ticked off about that brand of overt manipulation. It seems to me that the very public fall of money-hungry, power-thirsty preachers like Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart would keep leaders from using scare tactics to get people to give their hard-earned monies.

My favorite part of the book is the question and answer section at the end in which we Christians reveal how very defensive we can be about how we do church. Both Henderson and Casper address the concerns and questions with grace and understanding.

I walked away from this read with a hunger to “do”. You see, Jesus didn’t just teach us what to believe, but how to act out our faith by serving others—feeding the poor, helping the helpless, and caring for the lost. No, our salvation is not determined by our work, but the assurance of our salvation should inspire us to act.

I encourage you to expand your circle of friends and influences to include people from many and varied faiths and beliefs. Listen—really listen to their thoughts, views, and opinions about God, the world, church, and Christianity. You will be encouraged, inspired, and motivated to get off the pew and put work boots on your faith. Break out of your comfort zone and get off the pew!

* (Copyright 2007 by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper).

Oscar Thanks

Why hadn't I noticed it before? Among the beautiful gowns, the awkward hosts, the swearing, the political grand-standing, and the tiny slips of paper tucked neatly in the palms of sweating hands, I'd missed it until now. And such a glaring omission too.

I don't think a single honoree at the recent Academy Awards ceremony said thank you to God.

I've become accustomed to hearing the rappers, country legends, and rock music relics give thanks to God as they tearfully clutch their paper-weight/award. The words "Thank you to God" are as common a sound at the Grammy and country music award shows as the orchestral play-off. Not so at the Oscar bash.

When I was a child the church taught me it was a sin to go to movies. My parents took us to drive-in theaters, however. Perhaps there'd be less chance of getting caught there. By the way, I really miss the days when one could carry a butter-soaked brown bag of popcorn from home to the movies. But I digress.

Is God truly not invited into moviedom, or is the Hollywood community just more honest about the absence of God than are music artists? I wonder, is "Thank you God" just something musicians say because it's expected, or is the Holy Spirit more welcome in Nashville, Austin, and Branson than in Beverly Hills, Burbank, and Los Angeles?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know that the smallest flicker of light can permeate any darkness. If the Holy Spirit is really absent in movie star circles, it's not because He doesn't want to be there, it's because He hasn't been invited.

I know there's a vibrant community of believers in Hollywood. They get hushed a lot. I'm sure they'd appreciate our prayers for them as they are real Daniels in what can be a real lion's den.

Look around. Much of the world's population moves through their routines everyday with nary a whispering of God's name. The "mission field" is not on another continent in another hemisphere. The mission field is right under your nose--in your own home, workplace, grocery store, and church pew.

Where there is light there cannot be darkness. God is alive and well--even in Hollywood. Now get off the pew and invite the light into the darkness. Keep today's "Daniels" in your prayers--the ones in faraway places, and the ones next door and around the corner.

Where Atheists Get It Right

One of my atheist friends made an observation: “You Christians have it easy in some ways. Since your god forgives you for everything, you get to go around being mean without ever making it right because you’ve been ‘forgiven’.”

Wow!

My friend pointed out that atheists are not conscience free. Instead of praying to God to forgive them and (hopefully) silence that still small voice nagging at them from the back of their head, they actually go to the person they offended and make things right.

There are people we’ve wronged with whom we will never be reconciled. Loved ones who are gone or mentally impaired, for instance. In cases involving missed opportunities, we are so blessed to know that forgiveness can still be ours because of God’s amazing grace.

When we lie, cheat, gossip, or in some other way mistreat people, we can’t just fall back on the bumper sticker-ism, “Not Perfect, Just Forgiven”. We must be reconciled!

God’s forgiveness is ours for the asking, about that there is no argument. The New Testament is filled with admonishments to believers regarding our interpersonal relationships, and yet we still treat our brothers and sisters shamefully. Of course God forgives us for our many infractions, but we need to make things right with each other.

Come on! Get off the pew and be reconciled with the people you worship with every Sunday.

Jammin' for Jesus

Question--Do these signs really work to draw people into church? What do you think?

Just askin'.

Linger Here and Begin to Pray in the Sprit

I know God calls people to pray. Sometimes we may not know exactly why we're praying, or what it is we're supposed to pray for. But God knows. Our job is to be faithful. Here's a story of how God was working in Tucson seven days before tragedy struck.

I found this article written by Ralaine Fagone on the website, Breaking Christian News.

Be encouraged to get off the pew and pray.

The Deacon - God said, "Linger Here and Begin to Pray in the Spirit"

As he turned off the bike he heard the Holy Spirit call him to prayer: "Linger here and begin to pray in the Spirit."

Our nation has been in awe over the speedy recovery of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head on Saturday, January 8, 2011, in Tucson, Arizona. During a community event outside a shopping market on the corners of Ina and Oracle a man opened fire into a crowd of people. The first reports were sketchy; one news agency presumed her dead, with six others, while many painted a gloomy end to her critical condition. The doctors began to give hopeful reports and downgraded her condition quickly. Within two-and-a-half weeks she was transferred from one care facility to a place where she could begin rehabilitation from her brain injuries.

The nation's prayers after the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords have proven to be effective. But, what about prayers that took place before the event? I know one man who was called to stand and pray one week before the shooting took place.

Dick Tesi, affectionately called Deacon Dickie from Restoration International, was riding his motorcycle through Tucson on Saturday, January 1, 2011. He pulled into a gas station at the intersection of Ina and Oracle, next to a Safeway store. He felt prompted to turnoff his motorcycle before entering his next destination into the GPS. As he turned off the bike he heard the Holy Spirit call him to prayer: "Linger here and begin to pray in the Spirit." Always willing to co-operate with the Father, Dickie stood and prayed while his eyes scanned the area. He was unsure why he needed to pray right then and there. Still, he remained until he felt released. Back on the road; his work was completed.

When the news reports aired, telling the horror that took place, Deacon Dickie stopped to remember his call to prayer the week prior. He realized the prayer was strategic for the tragic event. Dickie expressed his concern regarding his "ineffective" prayer in light of the six lives lost that day. My premature response said, "It could have been worse, we don't know."

As the reports of Congresswoman Giffords' remarkable progress begun to flow to the nation, I gained insight connecting these two events. Over seven years ago Deacon Dickie experienced a miraculous recovery from a brain injury due to a motorcycle accident. Dickie was on full life support, bringing him to the threshold of eternity. Then the healing power of Jesus intervened. His brain was so swollen, part of it had to be removed. The miracle continued by making him whole and restoring his memory. I believe this made him the perfect candidate to stand and pray with authority over the events to come. Dickie had faced a similar frontal lobe injury as the Congresswoman, and had victory, making him a conqueror. Dickie had the right resume'; God called the right man to stand in the parking lot and pray over the brain injury to come.

Follow those promptings and calls to prayer. Pray from the spirit and partner with Father's plans. You may not have understanding or think the prayer is ineffective. But, a time may come, like it did for my friend Deacon Dickie, where you will look back and be struck with the awe and mystery of God.

No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, never so much as imagined anything quite like it—What God has arranged for those who love Him. But you've seen and heard it because God by His Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that He not only knows what He's thinking, but He lets us in on it. 1 Corinthians 2:10-13 (The Message)

Perhaps you noticed the unusual aspects of this story. Things like it had been seven years since Dickie's accident where he [was on the brink of death], and he prayed seven days before the accident—demonstrating God's completion. Even the names of key players are relevant; the street corners of Oracle—means "speaker" or "word" and Ina—is translated "pure", the store named Safe-way, and Gabrielle—means "Hero of God." There is a story within the story. This adds to the mysteries of God.

Written by Ralaine Fagone and reported by Breaking Christian News.

What Jesus Would NOT Do

Great food for thought.

Ask Forgiveness - Not Permission

It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

A lot of people live this way, and I’m a little bit jealous of them. They are brave, confident, and unflinching. But what about those people from whom forgiveness must be asked? Perhaps they’d RATHER be considered before an act is committed against them.

A local church just finished a remodel on the campus. They chose to move forward and finish the project without securing the proper building permits, so as to have the building ready in time to host a special invited guest. They’re now on the hook for fines levied by the city.

Look, all the people who give their tithes and offerings to this church have trusted the pastor, the staff, and the church board to be good stewards of their hard-earned money.

The remodel alone cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. In these precarious economic times, it’s irresponsible to throw money away on unnecessary fines. Oh sure, the pastor can ask for forgiveness, but is the cost of breaking the law and damaging the church’s reputation really worth the prestige of hosting a big name musical group?

I strongly believe that Christian leaders ought to be setting the bar for propriety and goodness. We are only human, of course, and therefore flawed. However, we are called to be Jesus with skin on. He came to offer forgiveness, not ask for it.

Now get of the pew and do right. If you’ve been given a position of church leadership, you’ve been called to a big job and you need to be in pursuit of holiness while fulfilling your responsibilities.

Remember, Jesus came to offer forgiveness – not ask for it! Now get off the pew, kick clichés and platitudes out the door, and take care of that which has been entrusted to you.