Suicide.

"Marcus" died a few months ago. He leaves behind his wife, "Cindy", and their two grown children.

Marcus killed himself.

The family released very little information about their loved one's death. The paper said he'd suffered from cancer (he did), and the church announced that his death was "unexpected" (it was). But no one told the truth - Marcus committed suicide.

There are still so many stigmas in the church. We claim to be all-forgiving, all-accepting, and all-understanding, but there are still taboos - things we don't admit or share. 

Some moms can't publicly acknowledge that her child is living a homosexual lifestyle. I know a dad who teaches a Bible study, but hasn't talked to his only son for many years. He's too ashamed to even ask for prayer. He misses his son terribly, but can't talk to anyone about his anguish. What would people think of him?

My heart breaks for people with deep gaping wounds, and who feel they have nowhere to share their grief. Some are simply too embarrassed to admit the "blight" on the family name.

Suicide is just such a blight.

Well meaning people have told Marcus's wife that she should be comforted by the fact that he's in a "better place". Others rejoice because his death was the end to his earthly suffering. Meanwhile, Cindy is feeling guilty and asks herself what she missed, and if there was something she could have said or done to keep Marcus from ending his life.

She feels she has nowhere to turn.

Get off the pew. Open your hearts and open your arms. Be someone who gives others a safe place to land - a place wherein they can tell the truth with no fear of judgment, condemnation, or behind-the-back whispers.

Get off the pew!

Sitting Next To The Walking Wounded

I learned yesterday that a woman who attends our church took her own life this past weekend. Mary was a wife, a mom, and a grandmother! She was struggling with deep depression and in the end – the loneliness and sadness won and she ended her pain in the only way she could. I guess…

This blog is called, “Get Off The Pew” because I wanted to challenge you and me to do just that – get off the pew, out of our comfort zone, and into the body where we can affect change and really touch people. Each Sunday I watch people come into the church and sit in the same pew, with the same group, week after week after week after week. A couple Sundays back I saw a woman count the pews as she came down the aisle – she had to make sure she got her seat! One Sunday morning several years ago, a woman came down to the second row of the mega church we attended and saw a stranger sitting in the pew where she and her husband usually sat. She tapped the shoulder of the lady sitting in that spot and said, “Excuse me, but this is our seat.” The visitor smiled and said, “Oh I’m sorry, I’ll move.” I wonder what went through the mind of the regular attendee when the stranger was introduced to the congregation as the wife of a new staff pastor!

I want to issue a challenge. This Sunday, shake things up a bit at your church. Sit in a different pew! That’s right – mix it up! Hey, if ya wanna get really crazy, attend the 9:30 service instead of the 8:00! Strike up a conversation with the people who regularly occupy a seat on the other side of the sanctuary. You might find a new friend. You might find someone who is terribly lonely and sad, and who is just dying for someone to sit next to her and give her a reason to hope. The walking wounded are all around us! Who knows, you might end up sitting next to someone like Mary – and maybe, just maybe, your touch will be enough to keep her from killing herself. Get off the pew. Get off YOUR pew!